Rock hard for penetration but after about a minute in I feel myself starting to start overthinking and fading out of the present moment & losing my erection. Been with this girl for 3 years and it happened one night when I was tired and that has definitely played like a tape in my head even when Iām having sex. Happened 3 times in a row, and the third time which was a few nights ago, she asked if I wanted to have sex and I started sweating bullets and my penis looked looked like it shrunk as if I was sitting in an ice bath. I let her know I kept thinking about the one time I went soft inside her and I canāt stop thinking about it. We talked about it and she alleviated a lot of anxiety and I ended up getting erect some time after that. However, as Iām a couple pumps in the thought came back and I went soft again. But was long enough to play it off and avoid her knowing. Had this happened to anyone else? I feel like my lenis has no feeling lately. Iām 26 perfectly healthy and have started working out again. I ordered some blue chews last night and am considering taking one to boost my confidence back up and maintain an erection . I just donāt know what the issue could be considering the span of time we have been together and the amount of times we had sex and I have 0 issues. Any thoughts or similar situations, please comment.
Iāve had this issue basically forever and my girlfriend is getting a lot less patient with it now, doesnt want to attempt full sex for as long as we suspect this will be an issue. Iāve tried to reason with her that the only way past it is through it, but she just finds the whole situation ādeflatingā mind the pun.
First off be glad that your girl is understanding. They arent all like that and she may not stay that way. Girls will often give you a little slack but if youre not coming with it soon they āsometimesā can be quite sharp with how they handle it. Many still believe that men are machines that can get turned on by seeing an ankle and that they should always be up for sex. Itās social conditioning that needs to be undone and itās a myth they all believe.
Women live in a world where they can just throw their legs open and have sex, whereas men need a magic combination of things to happen for it to work. And while it does no one any favours to think of sex as a difficult thing to do (your body is made to, after all), there certainly are issues that can arise for perfectly healthy men that have nothing to do with their manliness or their attraction to a specific woman.
For me Iāve been working on the thoughts that arise during sex, and the troublesome ones seem to be the following:
- this is going to be difficult and I am going to have to try really hard to make her cum
- I am not going to feel much at all - this could be a deathgrip syndrome issue
- the thought of sex on its own without some extra dirty dynamic doesnt turn me on, it seems like a lot of effort thrusting and carrying on for little reward
Those are some pessimistic thoughts but they have to be consistently challenged. Why? Because theyre not reality. Theyre just thoughts. Someone else is having different thoughts and their body is having a different response.
So my plan for approaching this is the following:
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I donāt have to make her cum, if she doesnt cum, it doesnt matter. I can make her cum some other way. Women often do not cum from sex- the concept Stirling Cooper would call āthe selfish pervertā is you go for what YOU want and not from a place of pleasing, and inversely that will make you better able to take charge and please.
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I donāt actually have to feel much. Weāve all had boners that rise into thin air. Why do I need to be stimulated any particular way to maintain an erection? The problem isnt my penis or the stimulation, but the thought that it āneeds somethingā other than what it is receiving. It doesnāt. Sex is create your own fun. I shouldnāt need anything other than a vagina. I should need to use my own mind and body to make it work.
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The thought of sex on its own frankly can be boring, if its all girly and loving and caressing and youre coming at it like a pleaser. Itās less so if youāre taking charge and saying what YOU WANT. If youre going to have meek sex, itās going to suck. Itās just a shame that these days a lot of us men have been browbeaten away from our desires and told that theyre offensive, or that anything other than perfectly ārespectfulā sex is tantamount to something criminal. We get in our own heads about this stuff.
I also want to add, going back into your body, box breathing, meditation and visualzing positive sexual encounters are all positive things that I believe will contribute to the success I expect to have. Lucky for you your partner is on board for the ride. Mine ākind ofā is but I think she wants me to just solve myself. And so be it. Thatās life. Women dont want to help you be a man.
As for your concerns around penis size, maybe look into the soft penis pleasuring. My dick looks pathetic when itās limp but it grows a whole lot when erect. It is what it is. You dont want to build a negative relationship with your penis, it literally doesnt matter what it looks like when itās soft.