As someone who loves sex and has always been good at it, I’m finding myself in a new world all together. I’ve had the same sexual partner for 11 years. I loved her and we always had a pretty active sex life. However, intimacy in our relationship was always lacking. The later half of our relationship and most of our marriage I can’t remember when she last kissed me, like a real true kiss. Anything more than intercourse was treated as a task for her and sex felt loveless. The sex was good as sex goes but there was no passion. The last few years I started having some seriously negative thoughts of inadequacies about myself because I just didn’t feel loved. Sounds bitchy but it’s the truth. Those last few years I noticed I was losing my firmness and it was hard for me to get off. My thoughts became more negative as a means of getting there. Seems counterintuitive but it word. For so many reasons I ended that long relationship and found myself falling madly in love with another woman. Due to my previous relationship my new girl and I didn’t become sexually active for several months, I was going through a lot and I wasn’t quite ready. Needles to say there was a lot of build up to our first time. Now when I say this woman is a 10/10 I mean she’s the most beautiful woman in the world. So comes the big first day and I put it in aaand I lose my erection. It was humiliating. I assume there are a million reasons why but since that first time it’s happed nearly every time after. My girl is so sweet and understanding but I know it upsets her. The sex is unbelievable for both of us but no matter what, that fear pops in my head and I lose it. It gets better each time and we’re learning to work through it but I really just want to pound my girl without worry my d*ck is going to stop working. I love this woman more than anything so I’m hoping this works.
Hang in there brother. So much of this is mental. Follow the exercises with the app. I’ve also been finding it helpful to talk with a sex therapist.
I’m in a similar boat, 10 years with the same woman. Intimacy has been drying up. But my sex therapist have us this sensation focus exercises to try, which incidentally the Mojo app also suggested after 2 weeks. We’re patiently trying to ho through the exercises, and hoping our communication improves. Otherwise, I may be contemplating doing what you did in ending it, because communication has been sucking …
Amazing to hear you’ve been able to find someone special post break-up. That is certainly a concern for myself if it must come to breaking up.
Also, go gentle. Like, don’t put pressure on yourself to perform, being endlessly rock hard to go to pound town. Take the time to savour the sensual experience, and make it sensual and tender for her, too, at least as build up. For me, I’m finding it helpful to switch my thinking to making sex less about a particular destination and more about meaningful connection and play and fun, that necessarily having a hard erection is secondary, of remembering and allowing for there to be natural fluctuation in hardness (and not letting noticing a slight perceptible softness trigger you into losing it altogether through mental spiraling), that taking pleasure in satisfying her and especially through other means than penetration are so lovely and important, that you don’t need to cum every time you have sex if you take it upon yourself to be all about pleasing her.
Anyway, these things are so individual. I’m confident you two will figure it out. It sounds like you’re still have great and meaningful sex, brother, so that’s amazing! I think we just get in our own way sometimes. Good luck, brother.