M43. Never ever have I had issues until recently. My marriage broke down a while back and divorced, now in a new relationship and we are both very sexual people. We are both secure in our relationship and things were absolutely great. Then around Christmas, after a work trip, I came home and like we do things erupted into and intense sexual moment. But I struggled to get an erection. Skip forward a week and nothing worked at all. I was mortified and embarrassed. We talked about it, she guided me through and boom back to being hard again. But the anxiety is horrific and remains there. I am worried every time. And there has been moments when I don’t think things will work. Once in the moment the anxiety goes, but it’s the build up that gets to me.
Weekend gone, albeit after a few drinks, it nearly happened again and it’s now stuck in my head again. Is there something wrong with me. What happens if I don’t get hard etc etc. I thought I was alone but reading so many posts really shows I’m not alone. I need to overcome this and get back to a good place and not be worried about sex anymore. We love sex, we love being intimate and exploring boundaries all the time. We are both highly sexual people.
I’m worried that if this is persistent then she will leave me. This is irrational I know but just filled with dread and worry. It’s such a shit place to be and never ever thought this would happen to me. But need to work on this and hope this app can help a lot. Just want to be me again. It’s affecting so many aspects of my life including my sleep which then has a negative knock on effect.
Good to know I’m not alone and wish everyone success in getting back to being confident and happy.
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You are definitely not alone! Sounds mental and not physical problem at all. I would say just stay open with your partner and let her know what’s going on and that it’s definitely not her. Sounds like she is willing to help you out which is awesome. Before this started for me had no idea how much stress and anxiety could effect erections. Sex was always my happy place to get away from stress and anxiety till it bleed over. One of the sessions talks about how your erection during sex alot of times fluctuates in hardness and normally don’t even notice it. But once we are on high alert if it starts to soften we will lose it. One of my side effects once getting my erections back was I was focusing so hard on keeping an erection i was cumming in just a couple of minutes. So I went from ED to PE. Got that back to normal now and usually last in the 15 min range again. But was so glad that was my problem for awhile after not being able to get erections on demand. Most importantly be good to yourself! We are all here for each other and no matter what sex should be fun and bonding and not a source of anxiety. Our sex life has gotten better since this started. Been more open about what I want and need and not just pretty much solely focused on her. Wife felt kind of bad cause she never realized how selfish she was in the sex department. Side effect of being on this app and doing the kegels for me is I now shoot cum about 2-3 feet were before it was always a couple inches. Odd but kind of cool. Good luck man and have fun! Getting to play with a naked woman should always be fun. This will pass if you keep up on it and do the work.
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Thanks mate. This means a lot and thank you for sharing your story. I honestly thought I was alone and didn’t feel I could talk to anyone. I’ve got really close mates, but the thought of just rocking up to a pal and saying “hey mate, can we talk about how my dick doesn’t work properly” just filled me with more dread. I’ve searched and searched online blogs for support but that all tended to be negative and about the problems and how guys have never overcome them, which adds to the anxiety. Seeing all the positive results on here and that people have come through this has filled me with a renewed hope and plan of consistency. I’d never heard the explanation “spectatoring” before, and this is 100% me. 100% what I do. I am so focused I myself and whether my dick is working I lose the moment and then panic. And so on and so forth and the cycle goes on.
I’m committed to this journey and honestly even after a couple of days I’m feeling that sense of doom, impending singldom and sadness drifting away as I start to try and rationalise my thoughts.
But thanks man, this response has meant a lot.
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Hey mate I can relate. Sorry I was trying to pretend that I’m not American . We never say mate​:rofl:. Anyhow I am 47 and have kind of a similar story. My wife came back from my girls trip and as you referenced lead to intense sex . So we got into that evening and I lost my erection for the first time ever with her. I was able to get it back up and continued and finish so I figured it was just a fluke. The next day went to have sex totally couldn’t get an erection. This sent me in a complete spiral and has been a journey since last July. I also have realized that I am a spectator as well. Even when I am on holiday or vacation as us American say 
I have a hard time being in the moment it’s like I’m on the outside looking in. Which is the same for me in the bedroom but I never realized it until now. Anyhow have made a lot of progress and was able to overcome . And then recently had a little bit of a relapse. But still making great progress. As you said it’s hard to find friends that you can openly discuss this with . It’s almost like taboo especially in America. Would love to chat more about it . It’s hard on this app because at times I wonder if I’m even communicating with real people . I will totally give you my contact if you’re interested and you’re not a robot lol.
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Definitely not a robot (although a robot would say that) 
but seriously what you have described is exactly my situation it’s been really tough mentally and emotionally. I’m using every single thing i can on Here because I want to get better. I don’t want to be like this or have these thoughts. But the reassurance I have taken instantly is that this isn’t medical, it’s definitely mental. The similarities with so many other guys saying the same things, same situation, same result is just staggering. But in a strange way comforting because I now know I can beat this. I’m a stubborn bastard so I’m 100% committed. And I will get over this and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
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We are definitely in this together! And it blows my mind that there are so many guys struggling with this but probably will never have the courage to step out and try to get any help.
Crazy how similar our stories are. same as that for me used to be my happy place where I relieve my stress. I never would’ve guessed it would’ve overflown into my happy place. Also same for me as far as once I was able to achieve erection again I literally would only last maybe a minute tops. I’m getting better with this but it has taken me a decent amount of mental work . When I first had my issue went to the urologist everything checked out fine but they gave me Viagra to give me a little boost to help me with the performance anxiety. This has helped . Was able to wean off of it for a few months thought I had mastered my situation and recently came back to haunt me. Anyhow still making progress and looking forward to the future ! God bless you and your transparency!
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