Healthy 24 Year Old Male that struggles sexually

[deep-peach-weasel]

You guys want to hear my story? I hope it helps someone. I will be as detailed as possible without being too long or boring.

I’m currently a 24yr old male. I am nothing crazy special, but I am a confident human being. I work hard in my job, I exercise frequently, I have a decent physique, I eat clean, and best of all, I just got engaged to the love of my life. Life seems pretty perfect, right? Wrong

I struggle with sexual anxiety pretty bad. The worst part is, it’s a relatively new thing. The first 10 months dating my girlfriend, we had sex every chance we got and I could get up and finish every time. I would get a boner even before she was naked. Talk about zero anxiety or issues.

Then one day, we’re having sex and I lose my boner while I’m in her. To be completely honest, I don’t fully know why. But I tell you what, I beat the shit out of myself mentally. She kept asking what was wrong, but I had no idea. Nothing was actually wrong, I just couldn’t believe I have an erection problem. The only problem I had was coming from my own head.

Unfortunately, it turned into a lasting trend. I kept thinking the whole time, “what if it happens again?”

This probably went on for like 3+ months. I was basically scared of sex. I even had myself convinced that I had a real issue. But I don’t, I know I don’t. I’m healthy, I quit watching porn over a year ago, and I have had good sex in the past. There is no reason to think I have a real issue.

About a month ago, I got this app. I tell you what, this app helped me so much. It wasn’t even necessarily that I needed this app, it was that I needed to know that it was in my head and other people suffer from the same thing.

I did the self-sentating or whatever it’s called. It’s where you basically touch yourself non-sexually to try to really focus on what you’re feeling. It turned me on and I was able to masterbate fully. No porn, nothing. Just focusing on the feeling.

But doing that alone is easy (easier). Practicing it during sex is harder. Fortunately, I was able to make it work. I popped a viagra (which I do sometimes, but it probably doesnt actually help, because I don’t have a physical issue, but it helps with confidence because once you get a boner, it definitely does keep it up). We had great sex that night and I focused on the feeling of the sex. No self criticism.

After that, we kept having frequent sex for about the month after I got this app. And keep in mind, this was after like a 3 month dry spell of almost avoiding sex with her. I was so nervous.

I thought I was 100% cured. But today, I put on a condom and started having sex, and I thought about not wanting to lose my erection. Guess what happened? I lost it.

She doesn’t do it on purpose, but she makes me feel awful. She gets so sad when she’s horny and she feel likes I’m not turned on by her. I love this girl, I know she turns me on, but my anxiety gets the best of me sometimes.

I don’t know if anyone will read this whole thing, but just know, there is a 90% chance it’s just in your head. We got this. Just remember to build the non sexual relationship. If you’re with a partner, it should be about love, not about sex. When you do have sex, really feel it. It’s a magical thing.

Good luck guys, I’m hoping that typing this will help me. Sometimes just saying things helps with anxiety. You realize how silly it is. But as silly as it, it is a problem lots of people struggle with. But we got this

[nosy-yellow-reindeer]

Thank you for sharing. You are on the right path, I am sure you will improve and find your way

[prominent-magenta-gayal]

Thanks for sharing mate, I’m in the exact same boat, my girl is very understanding but has encouraged me to reach out for help. Glad there’s others like us out there, let’s hope we can get out of our heads and enjoy the moment!

[contemporary-crimson-octopus]

hey, thanks for sharing. you succeeded in making it just the right length

about your fiance making you feel bad; have you tried talking about it to her? like just saying that you’re turned on by her and instead of her getting sad (as much as you maybe appreciate the sentiment) you’d prefer for it to be … well, not sad. it could be made into a game of trying to figure out what flips that switch, or just doing silly stuff to get that fun back in there instead etc. even if it’s none of the above, talking about it may help in some other way.

as a sidenote, my doc explained to me that apparently viagra works by helping you relaxing that muscle to let the blood in, so it makes sense to me that it would help with the psychological issue once you’re close enough to getting hard

[deep-peach-weasel]

I honestly haven’t talked to her about it. Her and I are generally great communicators. But this feel different. It makes me feel like less of a man honestly. My preferred way to go about it, is to fix my issue on my own and let the past be the past. However, I’m starting to think some communication might help. She’s just so important to me, and I don’t want to feel like I’m letting her down.

[contemporary-crimson-octopus]

honestly, go for it and communicate what’s on your heart and mind to her. pressuring yourself into carrying the burden alone by thinking you’re less of a man for it just contributes to the problem. she sounds like a bundle of love and care with you in the center, so i’m sure you’ll feel a great weight lifting after talking about it.

this is of course just going off what you told us about your situation, but for what it’s worth anyone i’ve been with and talked about it to was so supportive and i could tell that they genuinely cared for my wellbeing. i personally felt so happy and relieved for every little bit i was able to honestly talk about.

i think you’re not less of a man for confiding in people. it takes guts to do so. if anything you’re more of a man for it!

[superb-fuchsia-asp]

Don’t shy away from talking to her about it. Be vulnerable. Put it out there. Let her know it’s not her. She’s likely feeling self conscious thinking oh no- he sees my belly jiggle or something like that….
Tell her it your problem not hers but there may be ways she could help: I suggested my gf talk a lil naughty in bed, not trashy, just direct and raw. Tell me how good something feels. One night just getting started she asked me to finger her while she used her toy I had bought her on her clit. That was incredibly hot and got me going!!! That’s not like her. She’s more shy than that…. So it really had an eying me.
Good luck man!

[total-violet-toucan]

Thanks for sharing mate, reading this means more than you know. I’m in the exact same position, I’m 25, and your story, timeline and all is 100% the same as mine. I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost a year now. The first 10 months were full of great sex, as frequently as possible, no issues what so ever. One evening I felt it go soft and so did she, but I managed to get it back up and finish the job. I knew exactly where her head was going. She blamed her self and questioned my attraction to her. We gave it another crack the next night, no dice, my man was about as limp as they come. And it’s been a battle to get hard and stay hard ever since.

It’s so difficult, I went down the path of questioning if there is something wrong with me. The doctors just chuck a viagra prescription at you and call it a day. No one wants to be dependant on those pills, not at 25. I’m an anxious person as well, but never towards sex until a month ago. The mind is a powerful tool, we just need to get control of it, I’m hoping this app will help. I’m only a few days in, but I’ll do anything at this point to get back to how I used to be.

Just keep reassuring your missus, that tends to help with me. But she cannot shake the self blame and questioning my attraction to her (very much not the issue), I get it. That definitely adds to the stress. Each time we go to have sex, it’s all I can think about. Is it going to work this time, is it hard enough, what if I can’t get it up, what will she think. Around and around and around we go.

Keep it up, things will get better, they have to right? There’s nothing wrong, it’s all in your head. That’s all I keep telling myself

[hard-purple-shrew]

Hey man, I get 100% what you’re going through. The woman I love actually broke it off with me, almost 3 months ago now, because for 9 months of our relationship, I was really struggling with this. It hurts because she always told me that she thought that I wasn’t attracted to her and that I couldn’t last long. It’s anxiety, which I personally have badly. I’m saying this because I wish I had this app prior and tried to fix it with her, and get better at it now with this app. Nonetheless, Mojo does work and made me understand that it really is mental.

Keep your head high and things always work out how they are suppose to

[deep-peach-weasel]

I appreciate this bro! We got this fr. I am so relieved to find out that it is overcome able. I thought something was wrong with me, but physically there isn’t. We just have to learn to use our mind as a tool. Thank you for responding!

[elaborate-emerald-leopard]

I don’t get it, are women really breaking up with guys when they have erection issues? Even when you explain it’s anxiety and nothing to do with them? Wtf

[elaborate-emerald-leopard]

Communication, communication, communication. Don’t shy away from talking openly and frankly with your partner about sex, and about issues that arise. And about how she need not feel sad, it’s not her or your attraction for her, and her feeling sad makes it even more difficult to get hard again. Just be open. Don’t know why people are not into talking about sex with their partner. It is crucial!