I’m at the end of my rope. Im 37 and have been a bigger man all of my life 6’2 and haven’t seen the south side of 220 since I was junior in high school. I work rotating 12hr shifts, she works on my days off, and we have 4 young children under the age of 11. We’ve been married 13 years and I can count on both hands the number of times I’ve lasted longer than a few minutes. Never longer than 10. Bless my wife who has been extremely patient and kind trying to spare my feelings but it’s reached a point where she has to weigh if she can handle the disappointment she feels and my mental aftermath of poor performance to even initiate sex.
I’m so sick of not being able to satisfy her with anything but oral. I’ve tried the edging thing, limiting porn, abstinence, topicals and medication; all with very little if no improvement.
I’m losing hope that I am fixable.
Sex was something that wasn’t really talked about in my family. Got most of the information out of old pornos found out in dad’s shop, late night tv, shotty porn websites on dial up and school. Most if not all of my sexual encounters before my marriage felt like I was rushing to not get caught, leaving me feeling guilty, unsatisfied, and ashamed. It was always a concern in my head that I was terrible in bed. Then in marriage under my own roof I still had some of that feeling in my mind.
Hardness hasn’t really been an issue but the amount of stimulation to climax is extremely small. Times where I would bust in my pants as my mind was already 10 steps ahead of the physical act, or would have to ask my wife to stop mid for-play so that we could even get to intercourse. The amount of shame and guilt of that is just overwhelming. In addition I know my masturbation habits are terrible; it’s become more of a chore to get as quick of a release as possible as my alone time is extremely limited but the urge is just incessant. Again leaving me feeling ashamed and guilty because I know it also contributes to my failure in the bedroom.
The feeling of not being able to physically satisfy your wife no matter how hard you try is absolutely devastating. I just hope that maybe this will be the solution cause it’s reaching a critical point and I don’t know if we will make it otherwise.