Anybody else with long term ED that got just worse over time

Hey all, first post here :wave:
I subscribed to mojo about a month ago to overcome my ED problems which are important. I am 43, have been with my partner for 20 years and apart from sex we have a marriage that most other people only can dream about. However, due to my ED, all is going to crumbles and we’re seriously risking to divorce. We both agree that we got where we are now due to both of us pretending this wasn’t s real problem but got to the point where my wife doesn’t want to be touched anymore. I am doing everything I can to overcome it, and mojo is bringing some improvements, however I am stuck with sensate focus. From my side, I recognise thid is the exact step that can get me over it, because I need to learn again how to relax with her. My wife, on the other hand, after having tried to help for years is now telling me “this is your problem and what you want to do is stupid” so I feel like I am left to deal with a complicated situation and zero help.
Anybody else like me and what have you done/are you doing to improve things?

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That’s tough. Truth is it’s not just your problem. 20 years of marriage carries a lot of baggage and it’s definitely a couple situation to work on. I unfortunately don’t have a solution for getting her onboard, but she’s got to participate if your sex life together is going to get better. However, you can work on yourself in the mean time. I’m in a similar situation and have had really great, fulfilling, learning experiences myself. But it definitely can be a leap going from solo play to partner play (maybe especially with a long-term partner). At some point you will need to bring what you’ve learned into partner sex, though, and you’ll need them to be understanding and positive. My wife is those things, but finding time is a challenge. Sounds like you may just need to try a different approach or maybe a therapist can help reboot the conversation?

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Hang in there mate… There was an amazing post here recently about a guy who’d solved it through incremental steps. I’ve been following that with my girlfriend and we’ve had some really nice moments (mutual handjobs, awesome 69) - it’s not all about PIV (Penis In Vagina) ! Hopefully with this new connection we are re-establishing, the rest will follow :slight_smile:

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Hey @easy-white-muskox !

You are awesome — it sounds like you’re doing everything right. You’ve been sticking with Mojo and applying everything and you even had the courage to ask your wife to get involved with sensate focus (I agree with you — it’s very powerful!)

Even though she refused the call to adventure the first time, if you want to get your wife involved, I have some ideas for you to consider.

  • :books: You can share this article: Why is my husband not getting erect? It might give her a bit more context about psychological ED, and there are some ideas for lighter ways she can support you if she isn’t totally ready for sensate focus.

  • :cupid: You can ask her how she’s feeling about sex and her confidence right now. Maybe something’s going on in her head that you haven’t brought into the open yet.

  • :fire: You can use the tips from the Mojo “Manage conflict” course to have really productive open conversations that get to the heart of what you both feel and need from one another.

  • :e-mail: I can reach out to her personally via email and answer any of her concerns directly. I’m not kidding — I’d love to write to her if that would help. If she’s interested, share her email address with me in a DM on the forum or by replying to one of the emails you’ve received from me (I’m the same Grace who sent you the productivity tip emails during your Mojo trial :blush:)

If you’d rather work on things by yourself right now, it’s totally okay to do that. Just think about how you and your wife can build back your intimacy at a pace and in a way that feels right for you both. Sensate focus might be a big ask, but even just carving out that quality time together this week can help.

I’m rooting for you! You two have weathered so much already, so I am confident you can get through anything life throws at you.

Grace