Looking back on my marriage

My name is Mark. I married my spouse in 1981, ,at the age of 27. I am now 70 years old.
In 1993 we had our daughter via I.V.F.
Since 1993 I’ve never had sex or been in a sexual relationship outside the marriage. ( You can choose to believe that statement or not.)
We tried some couple’s therapy sessions to resolve any underlying issues but to no avail.
I blame myself for failing therapy because I was, and still am anxious.
So, why am I here 31 years later telling you this?
Recently for some inexplicable reason I became anxious about my body-image and the size of my penis.
Also, I have E.D.
I saw my G.P. who ruled out anything physical and he recommended this Mojo app.
I am hoping that Mojo can help me with my E.D.
B.T.W. My wife knows that I have subscribed to this app but she has absolutely no interest in having sex.
That ship sailed long ago.

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I got married in 1989 and haven’t had good sex in 16 years. Like you, MoJo was recommended as, to be honest, I couldn’t face talking to a therapist. My ED is caused by simply not getting turned on enough to maintain an erection. Any little distraction has me losing my erection, which in turn has me super anxious about maintaining an erection next time. Before I knew it, 16 years had rolled past. The annoying thing is that my penis has a mind of its own and can get erect when I’m not even consciously thinking about sex. I guess the good news is that I know it works, I just need to channel when it works. I’ve blamed low libido for my inabilities but I think the truth is that the libido is fine, it’s the psycho babble (inner critic) going on in my head that I can’t control. Once the inner critic is tamed, I am hopeful that ED will become a distant memory.

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As a relationship therapist your post raises some questions for me. I’m sorry that you feel the couples work didn’t help and you blame yourself? Your very long term relationship is both of yours responsibility. Obviously relationships change and things need to be re negotiated as life and circumstances change. You might not have signed up for a sexless marriage? If your wife has decided she no longer wants to have sex with you it would be really helpful to talk about this in a constructive way. I hear that you want to feel more confident with your body and your erections. Mojo will help you understand more about how anxiety can effect our bodies, you will learn to get more into your body and out of your head. As men age their erections do change, this is normal however if you can manage to feel less anxious, begin to enjoy your body and feel positive about your sexuality, then this is the time to do it! I would urge you and your wife to try and communicate more fully - ask each other what you are hoping for at this stage in your lives. Great you have shared that you are looking at Mojo. If you need to perhaps you could try and find a therapist to help you have some of those awkward conversations. Make sure they are trained in psychosexual work and if they are a member of COSRT you can be assured they will be able to help. Good luck!

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This post here has perfectly summed up my issue too. Everything works but I feel like it’s the libido that doesn’t and any distraction makes my erection go in a second. So I’m really throwing myself in to this app to see if that might uncover some psychological blockages in the way. Good luck to you on your journey

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It took me a couple of days to get the courage to post something so intimate and honest as this and I am so grateful for your understanding :heart:.
To those who posted about similar experiences I wish you good luck :four_leaf_clover: on your journey. May you become more confident and comfortable with yourselves.:+1:

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