It's been bad and losing hope

I have been doing the program for some time now…And I don’t know what to do. It’s been a long time since my partner and I had sex. She went to live with her mother to take care of her and I am alone in my apartment trying to improve on myself, to resolve my Paychological ED. After 2 weeks she decided to come home because we miss each other, she initiated the idea of sex right away, somewhat I felt some pressure, I tried calming down as taught by the course… I failed… Now I don’t know what works. And what to do

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You failed that one time. It was a long time since you have seen her. Don’t beat yourself up too hard. I had a failure yesterday afternoon and I feel awful. What is weird is I was feeling great in the morning. It’s a process. Sorry to hear you are struggling. I hope we both can figure this out.

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Be more understanding with your situation and more compassionate with yourself. Don’t give up. I know that if you put in the work you will eventually see positive results.

In my last encounter, I couldn’t maintain a firm erection. But now I can see that my mind was wandering around and I wasn’t concentrating on being present. That’s why I’m currently meditating. To control my irrational thoughts.

I know we are going to make it! Best wishes to you and all who are currently in our situation.

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For me, i focus on the fun of sex and playing, and leave the penetration to when it happens. So I enter into the situation thinking I am focused on pleasing me and pleasing him, in my situation, but not on the erection. And if I get hard and stay hard. Then we fuck, if not. Oral, hand, toys, all are hot as shit too!

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I think most of us need to reframe what “success” is, namely changing the only measure of successful sex as getting/staying hard or penetration. Generally that’s not helpful, but it can be super problematic for a guy dealing with erection difficulties. Success can be we felt good and had fun, whether or not we got hard or were able to penetrate our partner. That’s admittedly a pretty big cognitive shift, but it can happen. Dan Savage, who I owe so much to in my understanding of sex and relationships—check out his Savage Lovecast if you’re so inclined—he often says we should expand our definition of sex, and for someone struggling with getting/staying hard with a partner, one step can be masturbating together. Create an environment where “failure” isn’t possible because there is no expectation. Start where you can and get comfortable and confident again before leveling up.

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Thank you to all of you… We’re going through alot as a partner right now… And it devastated her when I didn’t get an erection again. She felt insecure, she wanted to help me but she doesn’t know how

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