I’m here to seek help in resolving my love life issues. I’m 32 years old and a man. I’m not going to make a post here questioning my sexuality, that ship sailed long ago. I am on the road to quitting porn, but that isn’t going to change my sexual history or erase anything in my brain.
I used to have homophobia towards myself. First sexual encounter with a male was well before 6th grade. I’m just going to leave it at, we were boys and I was not smart and allowed it to happen to myself. This was partially a reason I used to blame porn for “making me gay” even though I kissed my younger step brother when I was 7 years old and I think there’s more to being gay than just genital preference.
I’m now at the period where I can’t get a woman, even though I know I prefer women over men. I have had sex with both women and men and know what I love. On the flip side I never got to date men, have no experience with them and it makes me feel like I should just commit myself to women entirely. My last girlfriend I was 20 years old, it’s been that long.
I’m getting hit up on grindr a lot, guys telling me I am cute, but most are fake accounts and I am honestly nervous meeting some of these guys. I can go two routes. Be with a woman and learn now to not possibly cheat on her with a dude. Or I can be with a man, but run risk of being bored and going to a woman. I wish I was either gay or straight 100% I have a horrible sexual identity.
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Hello, thank-you for the honesty of your post. As an out gay man- I’ve been there. Dated girls through out high school and college. Played, a lot, with guys on the dl, I even went so far as getting engaged to a woman. Which lead me to a nervous breakdown. (Even dating her I knew I was gay or at least on the gay side of being bi.)
I have been on and off Grindr many times. I’d like to find a relationship and not just a hook up, which seems incredibly unlikely. I’m 50. My experience on Grindr- the guys my age range all want the twinks and the guys 70ish plus are interested, but I am not looking for a daddy or have daddy issues. 
Can I ask you a question: why do you see gay relationships as a “distinction”? There are plenty of straight relationships with just as much drama and issues as gay relationships. (Would there had been a Jerry Springer show w/o unhealthy, dysfunctional straights?) Joking aside. I know plenty of relationships both gay and straight built on honesty, compassion, love, respect, commitment, and fidelity to each other. Toxicity and dysfunction have no gender or sexuality.
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I guess I am just afraid of the fact male sexuality, hard to commit to monogamy. I am even saying this as a man myself, straight and gay men are alike in the sense they prefer to have more than one partner; but men have created this monogamy system in the west and want to maintain it.
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One other point- I don’t believe that any one is exactly 100% either gay or straight. Sexuality is a spectrum. It’s not black or white, there is a lot of gray. Sexuality isn’t binary. It isn’t just straight or gay.
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That is a discussion that you have with a potential partner. What’s your expectations for this relationship. What do you want? What do you value?
Another question- Western values do you mean religious Christian values?
I’m not a Christian, but I will not deny it is a reason we have monogamy in our current world.
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I hear you and can totally relate. I am bisexual and married to a woman. I’ve never been with a man but I have teased the idea for years.
I can definitely relate with wanting to be straight or gay. Being in the middle is hard and feels like our voices aren’t heard. Yes - sexuality is a spectrum, but most people chose one category.
I’d love to say - just find a woman and everything will be perfect. It’s hard and I’m trying to navigate it myself. It’s a hard thing to even settle out in our marriage.
I will say being open about it early on would help the relationship. I was in denial of my sexuality for decades. I just thought I was a pervert. I have enjoyed sex with my wife but have always wanted to explore more with a man. She’s not up for an open relationship and so I’m working to find my spot in the world. A spot where I can be a family man and enjoy my relationship and be ok with being bisexual.
I’ve had a lot of thoughts about my future or the future of a bisexual man. I want a life partner. I want someone I can share everything about. I want to be open and raw. I don’t necessarily want talk about everyone I find attractive but I don’t want it to be taboo. I want to have friends of both genders and ultimately - I do want a monogamous relationship. I need to figure out how to get more touch in my life and have non sexual touch with someone who isn’t my life partner. So, I hope to be with my partner and navigate this crazy sexual rollercoaster of being a bisexual man.
So I guess to sum that up - what are you looking for? A life partner or just a sexual partner from time to time.
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Hey there. A question or a thought- have you tried toys as a method of play? Would your wife fuck you with a strap on? Or just get a dildo or vibrator for your own pleasure. Maybe this would help her be open to more possibilities in the future.
Not sure she would use a strap on but there a re a few ideas from other threads. Honestly I’m not sure I want to be penetrated. But I’d be down to give and get head.
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