I am a bisexual man married to a straight woman. Whenever I have trouble staying hard or finishing, I feel a deep sense of shame that Iām not āman enoughā or āstraight enoughā for my wife. She is incredibly understanding about both erectile problems and the mental baggage that sometimes comes with being a bisexual man in a committed monogamous relationship with a womanā¦so at the end of the day I know that occasional performance problems bother me more than they bother her. (Sheās the best!) But they also contribute to future performance anxiety and a feeling that as a bisexual man I canāt be the sexual partner I want to be for my wife.
Anyone with similar experiences? How have you coped?
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Wow, thanks for sharing man.
Iām gay, or homo flexible letās say, and my ED problems got a lot worse once Iāve committed to a monogamous relationship. Those horrible ānot enoughā feelings are painful as hell but youāre not alone. Weāre fighting here for regain ourselves.
The courses and exercises are awesome but itās a slow process.
Now Iām at a place that Iām understanding how my negative works. Itās hard to get out of that dark places after youāve been there for so many time.
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Oof. So much truth here.
I feel a huge part of my ED has always been a fear that me exploring or accepting being bisexual might mean I ācanāt go backā to being with a woman. I remember feeling that way in high school and itās stuck with me forever. It doesnāt even seem to matter that I get better erections with women as a general matter of fact, Iām always in my head and worried about whether I can perform or not.
My wife and I have pursued ethical non monogamy in the hopes I could work through my shame. And it did lead to me having sex with a man with a positive mindset. But I still struggle a ton and now weāre pretty much in a dead bedroom because sex has become so daunting and stressful that I canāt even muster up the courage or energy to try. I either canāt get hard or Iāll ejaculate as soon as I do. All of my confidence is gone.
I canāt say Iāve figured out how to cope with it, Iām currently just trying to get back to a place where I feel comfortable trying to have sex again.
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Iāve started a thread for men who sleep with men somewhere else on this message board so might be worth checking that out - I get the sense that shame is gonna feature a lot with us guys. Also, the author Brene Brown has written a lot about shame and vulnerability, and her work has helped me process these things. Sheās got some good videos up on Youtube too.
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Man, I am so appreciative of your post. Iām going through the same thing! A year ago I made the decision to just be with my wife. Not that I was a total animal but I did have a couple of buddies for massage and exploration. I erased all emails and phone numbers and stopped watching gay porno. I felt as if a weight was lifted and I could focus on only sex with my wife. Then this darn thing started happening. The urologist suggested Cialis but besides giving me horrendous migraines and acid reflux my inner critic would even block those pills.
I know at times I question my virility and feel frustrated and ashamed. My mind tells me maybe I need a man but Iām sure thatās just a cop out. Iām new to Mojo and quite confused at the moment trying all sorts of natural things to help my āvenous leakageā and mild Peryones which contribute to my ED.
Iām Bi as well and self-doubt plays into my erection issues, or at least how i react when i experience them. Despite feeling more confident in my identity now than Iāve ever been, nagging thoughts will still occur if i struggle to get it up with a woman like āare you sure youāre not just gay and making a fool of yourself?ā This despite having essentially the same issues with men, who would sometimes say stuff like āare you sure youāre not straight?ā I canāt win lol.
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