I’ve never had a relationship but it’s something I would love to get and for so long thought that sex was the only one thing that held a relationship together but after reading a bit I’ve seen people who have always struggled with Ed and have a relationship so would be curious to know how that works?
It has been bugging me now for years and have tried many things and has really held me back in terms of confidence.
First of all I’m about 3.5" flaccid and about 6" erect. If I’m in the club/bar and getting intimate before going back for sex, the girl will sometimes grind on or feel for my dick.
This stops most interactions shortly after and it’s really awkward.
If I do manage to bring a girl home, then I’m usually in my head a lot, thinking if im going to perform or not. I try to pleasure her first with oral and then hope I’m erect afterwards where I’m not and there’s not a lot of length to play with so she can’t really give a blow job. If she’s annoyed, it’s game over but sometimes she’ll be down to work with it.
Relaxing can help, I’ve sort of avoided using Viagra because I don’t want to need to use it although I’ve tried low dosages (25mg) which didn’t have an effect twice. Maybe I’ll go for a stronger one. This also is another thing to consider then before sex. (When to take it etc.)
Then if I do manage to get an erection I might lose it between putting on the condom and penetration.
I’ve also had some embarrassing moments which feed my negative mind and make everything worse like if I start penetrating I’m thinking about how embarrassing it’d be to cum early.
Would love anyone’s input on this, thanks
I’ve been in identical situations as you… even my measurements are pretty similar haha (~3" flaccid and 6" hard). For me it’s related to anxiety, I worry about it being flaccid and if I’ll be able to meet her expectations—things that are completely irrational but my mind has a hard time focusing on enjoying the experience. When I’ve managed to relax and enjoy the moment, it’s great, otherwise it’s embarrassing and I end up feeling even more anxious and frustrated by the end of it.
One thing to point out is that a one night stand is different than a relationship, especially if you start off by not having sex the first time (or even second time) you meet, this gives you time to build up a relationship and not start off with a potentially awkward and embarrassing situation. Woman will generally understand your issues and work with you—if they like you then ED is not as important as you think and they’ll try to help you overcome it. If they make a big deal about it or even worse—blame you—then it probably wouldn’t have worked anyway because that not only shows they don’t care about your feelings but it hints that they may be a little too shallow.
To answer your question though, yes, it’s possible to have a long term relationship with ED issues. Don’t make the ED a central point of your relationship. Focus on other aspects as well, like foreplay, kissing, cuddling, etc. It also helps to work on confidence, because the pity and self-hatred you show (even if that’s how you truly feel inside) can be more of a turn-off for a girl than the actual flaccid penis. It also helps to work on other parts of your life (physical fitness, intelligence, selflessness) because these can be much more attractive (especially for woman looking for something long-term) than whatever is going on with your penis.
Hope everything works out for you, keep working on yourself and things will 100% improve for you—the size of your penis is nothing to worry about, even flaccid, and know that what you’re going through isn’t unique to you—you’ll overcome it!
If you make her come, then it’s your issue, not hers. And if your relationship is only sex, it’s not a relationship. I stay with my wife even though I know sex would be better with someone else, after all we’ve been through. Sex is great, but it’s not everthing