Anticipatory ED, strain on marriage


29, Male with a very unsuccessful-with-ladies past.
I m now freshly married to my partner of 6 years, and things are not looking great sex wise.

While the initial dates a while back were very successful in bed, after 3 4 years i started struggling with my erection. There were a lot of changes between 6 years and now, with various issues and changes.

Bottom line, my expectations to fail have gotten so bad that it s almost a guarantee. I m struggling to find sexual interest with my wife but i m also indifferent to other women. I do have the passing sexual thought about random attractive women i see at the gym or the street but the thought itself is very shortlived(about 2 seconds tops).

I feel like I could live my entire life without sex without it impacting me at all, but it s impacting my marriage.

I rarely have sexual initiative and when I do, it s backed by various herbal supplements that may or may not work depending on how intrusive the failure thought is.

I feel like I have 0 libido and sexual drive, to the point of me not being sure if I have an unfunctional penis or it s just the thoughts manifesting.

History with anxiety issues and medication. No drug use, occasional drinker and 1 pack a day smoker.

Please… Please tell me I m not alone.


My situation is extremely similar. Although now even medication is not helping me

Hey man, you’re not alone. I can identify. My girlfriend and I were together for 6 years before getting married too, and I noticed intermittent erection issues starting even before getting married. Its been another 6 years together married and now Im faced with rather consistent ED. One night it works, the next it doesnt. It seems to have gotten worse by ignoring that there was a problem. Id almost always had a bout of ED at the start of new relationships. Yet, I was always able to resolve it and leave it behind me with a given partner as things progressed. The the fact that it was happening in the middle of my marriage was a new red flag. I was well past the “new partner jitters.”

I know exactly what you mean about lack of libido and feeling numb when noticing other attractive women. Ive even had dreams about being impotent and rarely would get morning wood. It really bothered me, but attributed it to stress of work, parenting, etc. Again, basically ignoring the problem. Im healthy and know things can work, but they just didnt when it came to sex. This led me to start examining the root psychological causes that are showing up as ED.

Ive been doing some deep work on this over the last 2 months. Everything from therapy to process old traumas, joining a men’s group and doing the Mojo work. I also have started to evaulate blocks in the relationship with my wife - where communication has suffered, where things were left unsaid, or unresolved. Imbalances in the masculine and feminine polarity in our relationship. Its not been easy work. A lot of demon hunting and sitting with old pains in order to process them and be complete with them - establish new constructive patterns of thinking around them. Honestly, its caused me to re-evaluate every aspect of my life and recognize where I wasnt being true to myself, and even my purpose in life. By denying these areas of my life, I wasnt fully inhabiting my true being, my masculinity and as a result, my erection.

I dont have it all figured out, but I can tell Im on the right track. Morning erections are back daily, and more importantly, Im beginning to notice my thinking change for the better. Im beginning to reach a place of peace with old demons, so that Im not triggered by old traumas. I think the Mojo exercises and meditations are slowy helping and have committed to them. And Im also working to restructure more meaning and purpose in my life that aligns with my true calling. Of couse the work on the inner critic and negative self talk is important, but in many ways, the internal negative self chatter is also a symptom of larger negative patterns or beliefs. Again, its been very challenging…but the alternative is a life not fully lived…and one w a limp dick at that.

I’d highly recommend the books, “The Way of the Superior Man,” by David Deida (Spotify has the audiobook for free), as well as “Iron John,” by Robert Bly. Both lay out very positive and affirming constructs of masculinity that help the reader see through a lot of flaws in the modern paradigms of masculinity, and how these flawed belief systems can impact men sexually, spiritually, etc.

Your cock not working is a symptom of something much larger. Address the root issues and your boners will return. Avoid the pills - they are just another band aid to mask the symptoms. Good luck. You got this!