I’m at a weird spot in my relationship with my wife. We’ve been “open” for a year, but because I have been a bad at communicating my feelings and thoughts, I haven’t been able to explore with others like she has. Like, long story short- me a bad life partner, she has carried the weight of everything for a long time. She has advised me that I should work on myself before getting involved with anyone else. I do agree, but just like her, I’m a late queer person. Bisexual but have a strong desire for male intimacy.
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It genuinely sounds like you’re letting time freak you out and cause stress in your life. So what if you’re a late blooming bisexual? Why does it matter how long you’ve been open or how long you’ve been together?
I think it would be helpful for you to focus on the here and now. Communicate with her and strengthen your relationship (if that’s what you want to do), then start exploring your sexuality with men. Keep her in the loop with what you’re feeling and you might just find that your relationship together improves while you also discover your queer self.
All we can focus on is today, not yesterday. If today you’re feeling like you want male intimacy then maybe it’s time to listen to those feelings. It does not make you any less of a man for feeling that way. Your partner will understand.