I got married recently and myself and my wife decided that we would start trying for a baby more or less from that day.
For a number of reasons, we had had a relatively inactive sex life for a good stretch of time (18 months-ish) prior to getting married, often going a couple of months at a time without sex. This wasn’t easy but we both knew it was because of stress/tiredness/adjusting to living in the pandemic rather than any issues with attraction or performance.
This all changed when we started trying and we’re having sex extremely frequently. I was aware that I had been feeling very sexually frustrated for a long time and it was great to get back to a fulfilling sex life.
There was one morning where I couldn’t get it up, which was more or less the first time that had ever happened to me. We got 10 minutes more sleep and then tried again, and it all went ahead no problem after the initial hiccup.
Since then, things have really unravelled. I’ve had the seed of doubt from that first incident turn into performance anxiety and had repeated occasions where I haven’t been able to stay hard through foreplay and we’ve ended up calling it off. There have been times where I’ve been able to stay hard enough to actually have sex, but even that has the performance anxiety traits of a softer erection and an early finish.
Initially, I only had a problem staying hard, but more recently I’ve had an issue getting hard as well. This is something I’ve absolutely never had, as I even used to be able to get hard just from non-sexual skin-to-skin contact (e.g. cuddling). At present, it takes a lot of concentrated attention for me to get to that point, and staying there is hit or miss.
I initial thought this was performance anxiety and that alone, but my underlying worry is that this is some kind of effect of a more regular sex life making me less reactive/responsive than when I was feeling very pent-up while not having sex as often.
I had a blood test and my testosterone level came back as normal, which is obviously a good thing but doesn’t help answer my questions about why any of this is happening.
If anybody here can suggest anything as to what might be going on, I’d really appreciate any insights!
Thanks