I’m autistic and finally found someone. I’m worried this problem will cause me to lose her

I’m autistic and there was a time when I thought that would make me be alone forever. I was super depressed but I started going to therapy and made a lot of progress. I matched with a girl on a dating app and actually hit it off. I’m now in my first relationship ever at 28. We’re super compatible and if I lose her I don’t think I’ll ever find someone like her again. When we first started getting intimate I couldn’t get it up at all, but she was really supportive and said she didn’t care. I’ve been making progress and now I can get it up when I’m touching myself next to her, but I lose it pretty quickly when we start having sex. I think the years of porn and masturbation have desensitized me. I know I can fix this eventually but the thought of losing her before I can is stressing me out. It’s probably irrational. I know she loves me and has never expressed disappointment in me, but the thoughts still come. I’m not sure if this post is mainly for venting or asking advice, but I felt like sharing.


Don’t put her on a pedestal, having thoughts like you’re going to lose her will eventually make it come true. It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. She sounds chill so just work through it. Quit porn.

I’m autistic as well and I ran into the same issue about a year ago. I was in my head so much for 6 months that I wasn’t able to even get an erection around her at all. Having a supportive girlfriend is something that really helped me, but you have to trust in her support. I had the same thought process, I thought that her being understanding and sympathetic was just a mask and it wasn’t how she really felt. I also thought that even if she was being genuine, her feelings would change over time. Truth of the matter is, if she is the one for you then she is being genuine and her thoughts won’t leave. And it sounds like she is the one for you. Trust in her understanding because I’m sure it is genuine, and DONT FEEL SO MUCH PRESSURE TO PREFORM. trust me I get it, autism affects ed so much with anxiety, but give it time. I still struggle with my girlfriend, I still often get in my head. But you will be able to do it one day, just don’t be so hard on yourself. You already did the toughest thing there is to do (much tougher than getting an erection) which is talking to her. I’m proud of you

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I quit porn weeks ago, and I’m trying to work through it. I can’t control all my thoughts though, that’s why I’m in therapy.

Thank you for sharing. I appreciate your support.

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