So I started seeing this girl absolutely stunning amazing personality we have the best time. First time we had sex I was so worried if I donât perform well she wonât want to be with me. Making me not be able to get har, I explained the situation and she was very comforting and understanding I was able to get hard after awhile of relaxing and cuddling so we did get to have sex didnât last very long thoe since I was still nervous. Tonight we met up again had the most amazing day then when we went to bed I started going over the steps remove the critic do the the box breath. When I started going through the steps I got so focused on them that I was not in the moment and wasnât able to get hard she understood and was nice about it again but then her anxiety started telling her she did something wrong when she took her clothes off so she started to cry. I reassured her that it had nothing to do with her told her how much I cared about her and how into her I was I let her know about this program so she knows that I am actually working on fixing this. But I am scared shitless this is going to happen again and she wonât want to be with me. Thanks for reading any advice would be much appreciated!
You and I are in the same situation, Iâm a slow learner. It took me a few reads on how to identify the critic and strengthen the inner coach to ease the anxiety. Inner coach tells me not too be too hard on myself, it takes time to strengthen the coach specially when the thought of âIm only in my 20âsâ strikes. It will get better brother
Sorry man that is happening. Itâs good you had an honest conversation up front of your problems and that you are using this app. Iâm mostly on the otherside now and have gotten a lot better. But one thing that helped was talking to my wife openly about the performance anxiety and that if we could go into it as only oral and fingers and if something else happens thatâs an awesome bonus. Took a lot of pressure off of me and once we started doing that always ended up in penetrative sex. It let me be more in the moment. Good luck man you got this!
I feel where youâre coming from. I am in a 7 month relationship and experiencing the same issues still, and sheâs not nearly as understanding as she was initally because not a lot of improvement has yet been made. If you have a woman whose willing to actually talk about it and listen to you and hear the words ITS NOT ABOUT YOU and actually process them then youâre doing better than a lot of us guys, who are having to not only deal with the issue, but deal with the girl taking offense to it as well. It doesnt exactly help in the boner department. I appreciate my girlfriend for her patience but itâs come to a bit of a âfuck or fuck offâ stand off here for me.
I second Homely-Teal-Perch´s suggestion if you can agree to make sex only oral and fingers for the time being. If you redefine sex as that, instead of penetrative ejaculation, you are pretty assured of performing. Let her know that the plan is to eventually return to penetration. Leave it at oral / fingers for a couple of sessions so that you both believe that is sex. She will grow to only expect that so there will be no failure on your side. With time, you will reach the point where you are ready to penetrate, then advance it to that. She may or may not be okay with the oral / fingers only approach, but you need to speak to her to find out. If you 100% have to go now, I find that fantasy has helped me greatly. Use masturbation to figure out what gets to rock hard and concentrate on that during foreplay and sex. Don´t be afraid to treat the moment before penetration as a masturbation session to get yourself hard. My wildest fantasies are able to silence my inner crittic.
Same thing happened to me in the past. Dont catastrophize.
You are healthy. Your worries, like your title " I dont want to lose this woman help" is already cockblocking you. Breathe. Relax. Continue eating well, use the app and self love. Communicate with her as well. You are the man! Be a man. Dont be timid.
Side note also, my experience in the past bothered me too and lingered. I finally found out that even though a woman is hot, your body/soul/subc might not jive with her.
A proper partner is a must.
Its crazy im in the exact same situation bro what the hell. Word for word. Ive been seeing this girl for 2 months though and she still hasnât left i guess you have to find the right one that will stay with you bro.