I can’t get hard to have sex with my wife

It’s agonizing. I feel aroused inside and I can see that she is too but I am not hard. We are in bed, wanting each other, and … just fucking no erection. And then it just begins a downward spiral and she is so patient and trying different things with me. Tonight I tried the deep breaths that the video recommended and it was a train wreck. Nothing. And it then gets so fucking weird between us. She’s thinking I don’t want her and I am feeling useless and helpless. What’s the trick? Can this only be solved with something like viagra? That feels so fake… and insincere. How do I get rid of this fucking mind block!?


Same thing. It’s a mystery. My lady is patient and tells me not to worry about it. I think I’m not worrying that much. But nothing is changing.


Totally feel you. One or more exercises from Mojo may not be enough. Depending on the relationship with your wife and other factors, there may be more unpacking to do. I’ve approached my erection difficulties, which have pretty deep roots, from various angles. Definitely keep with the Mojo lessons, but you may also want to consider therapy, additional reading, and other resources. Here are a couple books I’ve read and found very helpful:

Coping with Erectile Dysfunction: How to Regain Confidence and Enjoy Great Sex
by Barry W. McCarthy PhD, Michael E. Metz PhD

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence
by Esther Perel (she also has an interesting podcast and other content)

The first book is pretty comprehensive and includes an in-depth series of exercises to get you more comfortable for sex as a couple (Chapter 8).

Keep communication with your partner open and try not to catastrophise the situation.


Thank you. Will order the books. And talking with a psychologist about it who is searching for a sex therapist for me to see as well.

This dysfunction is hurting me at multiple levels but you are 100% right that I should try not to catastrophize the situation.

I think each guy’s solution is going to look different, but there are some basic principles and techniques that will help most guys. For me it’s been a pretty comprehensive overhaul of my thinking about myself and my relationship to sex and my partner.

Wish you the best with it.

Have you overcome the dysfunction?

I don’t understand what the resistance to Viagra is. Take the pill, enjoy the sex.
Work on your psychological issues in the background.

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I need to do more practical work with my wife to see where we can go with the plan in that book. I have made great progress with myself—understanding, pleasuring, and opening up my own body—and I think that will definitely help a ton with a partner. It’s been difficult to find the time to do the work with her, but I think we’re queued up to start very soon. First with conversation and then various body/touch exercises, eventually leading to sexual touch. There’s a lot of baggage to work through with a long-time partner, but I’m excited to make our sex life something better than it ever was.

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Are the books available through mojo

I bought them via Amazon.

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I’m not aware of any books available through Mojo. I found these through other channels.

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