Help a girl out: slept with my man for the first time, and he couldn’t stay hard

We have great chemistry and I legit care about him. We spent our first night together and he couldn’t really stay hard. The thing is, he didn’t mention it, so I wasn’t sure what to say/do either.

We still enjoyed each other’s bodies for a couple of hours, and I adore him and find him super, super hot.

I’m pretty sure he’s embarrassed, so I really don’t know what to do. I’d hate to make him feel emasculated.

Please, please tell me what to do. I’m crazy about him. Thanks guys:)

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Just be patient with him, and try not to allow any frustrations you are feeling get in the way (having both partners frustrated only makes it worse, far worse).

The fact that both of you could enjoy each other’s bodies regardless is amazing. I wish one of my other partners could have done that. To his credit, I did need treatment (shockwave & P-Shot), so am grateful long term, but being shamed in public was pretty awful.

I’d also be sure not to share his particular details with anybody unless he is explicitly ok with it as it’s such a sensitive topic for a lot of guys. I wish it were easier to talk about for more folks like myself and my closest friends, but it’s not common in my experience. Not to say you shouldn’t remain curious or compassionate about his condition or just ED in general — that will definitely keep you ahead of the pack for sure, for years to come :nerd_face:

I’m really lucky that I can pump in front of my partner and we just talk about it and have fun with it. He’s always there comforting me, and listening. I always do my best to make sure I’m giving him pleasure, even if I’m not up (a lot less frequent these days). Been together 15 years. There’s so many ways to have sex.

Seems like the both of you are already learning what each other likes in terms of foreplay. Keep that up and I don’t see how either of you could lose.

Above all else, listen, experiment, and keep doing what your doing. You seem really attentive, and so I feel like you are already ahead :+1: Don’t be afraid to get creative with what feels good for the both of you :slightly_smiling_face:


Thank you so much!


Hi multiple-coffee-narwhal. I think it’s so nice that you’re reached out to try and understand what happened and that you’re concerned about your new partner. I think communication between the couple is crucial so that you’ve in the right head space to want to help and be so caring about how he might be feeling is a really big first step.

There could be all sorts of reasons why this happened but one can almost be certain in saying that the cause is not you or his feeling towards you! There may be some instances where medication or chronic disease can cause ED but for the majority this is a psychological problem that requires a psychological solution.

If he is a new partner there could be really big nerves on his side to “impress”. He may have had the problem before with previous partners and was terrified it would happen again. Not instantly talking about it is not that surprising particularly if you did not make a big deal about it and ask him what happened.

One thing that really helped me with this problem was when we decided to just do lots of really nice things but to take penetrative sex off the table. There is no pressure to perform then, but just get comfortable and slowly build up to it.

That can help settle nerves.

Always be ready to have the conversation about what happened/is happening if your partner starts to want to talk about it. Being understanding, reassuring him of your feelings and how you know this is a problem that affects some guys and it’s not a big deal for you. That is really important.

Men can get into a very catastrophising cycle where we worry it will never happen, the girl will leave, and that all sexual encounters will be like this. So being really kind, listening, understanding, compassionate is so important.

I would steer well clear of any medication solutions, viagra is almost certainly not the solution here and mojo is clear about solving ED without pills so be weary of anyone plugging any pills/devices that help.

Hope things go well! :slight_smile:

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You have already recieved so much great advice here and i think its amazing you care enough to want to find out more.

He didnt say anything becasue he is mostly likely embarrassed and its not a super fun conversation to have, especially in the moment.

Because of past experiences i am super nervous when i am with a new partner the first few times, i either cant orgasim, lose my erection or cant get it up.

I had some success taking it slow and getting to know someone before we jumped into bed so i felt more comfortable with her.

Whatever you do please do not ask him if its because he doesnt find you attractive, it has nothing to do with you, its all in his head.

Hopefully he opens up to you so you have an idea what to expect, whether it happens often, just with new partners or of some meds might be affecting his sex drive. If its purely a psychological issus i imagine it will resolve itself if you stay patient, kind and understanding.

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