Having a hard time cumming w/ my partner

As the title suggests I sometimes have a difficult time cumming w/ my partner. If I jerk off with porn solo I can pop off rather easily pretty much every time. I always enjoy sex with him and it’s always very pleasurable but there have been times (more than just a few) where I just can’t bust. It’ll build to climax and feel very intense but just before I cum I loose it. It makes him feel insecure and leaves me frustrated. I know I cary some baggage from my very conservative upbringing and years of hiding in the closet and that seems to play a part. Before I was in a committed relationship with him I had a lot of casual sex and never really had that problem but there seems to be a block. Not sure if anyone else has experienced anything similar but I’d love to hear other perspectives.

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I have this problem a lot. I can only cum if stroke my own dick. Even with him and often can’t cum with him. I just started with mojo and hope this helps. The fight or flight concept really resonated with me

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I have been on the receiving end of this, while I’m on here for ED and trying to regain control and not rely on viagra, my motivation was my finance overcoming exactly what you mentioned with regaining control mentally. My finance simply couldn’t cum at times although almost at climax during anal. . Not matter how hard we tried it was clearly becoming a confidence issue and “stuck in his head” we are great at communication and I always constantly reassured him and talked about it and together we regained control and
It’s no longer a problem for him. And some words for your partner would be to try not yo take it to heart, I’ve been there it’s not great. And it’s easy to blame yourself he may have thoughts like - think Something is wrong with him, he isn’t attractive or his ass isn’t good or tight enough or that you jerked off to porn without him. Trust me he would be young though more than he is letting on so bring it all out to the open. Talk about it. Work on it and be kind to each other in the process I hope this helps.

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I’ve had this problem my whole life - although regardless of whether it’s casual sex or with a partner, I really struggle to finish when I’m not having solo-time. It’s never an issue when I’m alone, but almost always an issue staying hard/cumming with anyone else involved - no matter how attracted I am to him. I’d really love to figure out the solution here; partnered sex has started to feel like a chore, and that’s…definitely not ideal