Whenever I’m having sex with someone, whether it’s first time or repeat, I’ll be either stimulating myself or my partner and the arousal is building and I start really working my dick to try and cum. Then suddenly either my partner cums or I reach a point where the self doubt kicks in and I think to myself I’m not aroused enough to cum with my partner or I’m not gonna make it and I get all inside my head and usually give up once my partner cums. It’s awkward because it makes my partner think I’m not into it but really I’m just overthinking it. Not sure how to overcome this…any suggestions?
3 Likes
In my experience, its definitely that self doubt that caused it. I just needed to focus on that pleasure and the rest came later. Went through a whole process about a month ago where I thought I was a failure bc I’d always be spectatoring, and then came to realize that the spectatoring was my root cause. Ik it sounds easier said than done—trust me I know—but I needed to get into my head that these were just thoughts in my head and weren’t real.
1 Like
This is really helpful. I have the same concern. It turns me on when my partner cums but then the attention is on me and I can only rarely relax enough to cum, as well. It’s as if I feel I am wasting his time.
1 Like
Oh wow you literally just described my experience exactly! I thought I was the only one. This is super frustrating and really affects my mental well being. Have you made any progress with this issue? Any tips that you might have tried that worked?
This is so great to hear (that you were able to get over this issue). Could you please be more specific about the type of methods you used to get out of your head about it and just enjoy the moment enough to be able to cum? I’m really struggling here…
I’ve always thought that it might be that I’m not sexually attracted to my wife.
+1
This happens to me a lot, especially with condoms. At the moment my hack is to try not to care, and treat it as a superpower - just focus on her pleasure, and (if necessary) pretend if I sense it’s time to stop. Not ideal, but sometimes that attitude lets me relax enough and it happens anyway.