Yep I’d love to too but bottom so I don’t disappoint
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I think grindr and the rigid thinking and classification of the gay community into tops and bottoms and expectations has led to such widespread Ed issues and everyone becoming bottoms.
I’ve had guys tell me I’m not topping them hard enough and kick me out. I’ve had guys ignore me and go straight for my dick or grab me in the elevator on the way to their room just to make sure I’m big enough for them. I have been verbally attacked when I left because I was going soft and feeling sensitive since guys take it personally. Guys have laughed when having trouble staying or getting hard (some don’t, but it doesn’t help either way). This leads to repeated negative experiences and everyone starting to flake on each other on these apps since everyone is sexually frustrated. Clearly the hookup culture kills itself over time with these sorts of interactions.
I think in my 20s guys would be gentle with my dick, seduce it, attempt to act masculine and sexy and bro-ey, and now it is vigorously shake touching it and looking at me like what’s wrong with you while they gay twang voice “bye girl” and leave. Whoever thought this vernacular was a turnon clearly wanted to sabotage gay men sex lives. I am gay because I like men, not women.
I don’t like to send dick pics because it makes the focus on my big dick, but if I don’t I don’t get attention since that’s one of my features. I’m 37 now and may as well be dead as far as being plan C for people.
It does not help that I’m not sure I’m talking to a real person sometimes on the app with all the AI bots, so why waste time texting people on there. I’ve never been asked out by men in real life, and I’ve asked out 3 myself in real life where two ended up being straight and one left down and ghosted me who was gay.
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Hey all, gay man here just want to share my experience. I started my gay sex life by bottoming but after trying it multiple times it started hurting more and more to the point where I gave up. I tried topping too but I wasn’t able to stay hard. So eventually I just identified as a side which I’ve identified as for most of my life now. I really enjoy mutual masturbation the most and somewhat oral if I’m in the right mood. The only time I was able to top successfully was with my last boyfriend when I felt really comfortable with him. But I’m really curious to explore topping now and get confident with it which is why I’m trying Mojo. Hope this helps 
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@mysterious-crimson-snail
Yes! I posted a week ago about the same thing but it didn’t get much response. It seems the gay community is especially caught up with chasing after very specific fantasies and projecting expectations. Often it’s stuff I’m either not into or it’s just too much “pressure to perform.” Total boner killer and a hey day for my inner critic!
So glad to see this forum. It’s so validating. I’m 32. When I started having sex when I was like 21 I was mostly interested in bottoming and that what my and my partner did for years in our relationship until he understandably want to switch things up. It would work fine for a bit, but honestly usually if he woke me up cuz he was horny. Now it’s this looming pressure in my head because I know he wants it but I can’t. Weirdly, I’m non monogamous and have developed this issue with another partner because he’s bi and mostly interested in bottoming with me, but also have been having a hard time with a third but so much less frequently. If I can get hard, it’s like two of the three of them are too tight for me and I definitely start to worry about that as soon as it’s supposed to be time for me to top. Which doesnt help…
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My worry is less getting hard and more cumming too quickly when topping. When I was younger (early 20s) I was way more verse but something shifted and now I can barely top for more than 20 seconds before I shoot. It’s caused me to be more sub all around during sex because if a partner stimulates my penis too much I lose control. But frankly, it’s a little exhausting to worry about the whole time and totally takes me out of it. It also just sucks that partners don’t get to suck or jerk me off — I feel like I’m denying them something, and also just get so in my head about the whole thing that I lose control.
I prefer to top to be honest, I have been a bottom before but I don’t enjoy it. I can play with a dildo but bottoming for another guy doesn’t really do it for me.
I have been told I have a big one so most guys just want to be bottom for me. I something feel like they are more interested in the size of my dick than me.
So when I get that feeling I end up loosing my hard on.
Most of these stories resonate, but no solutions, so I’m not sure what helps?
Here’s mine, hoping that sharing it will help:
So I was in a very long-term relationship with a bad break-up and then a medium term one. Both guys were complete tops, so I bottomed and forgot the verseness of my youth. What followed was a while of being single and bottoming, although not a lot of sex tbh. I then put myself out there as a top needing training etc. on Grindr but it was a disaster. Ed with guy after guy. Even when bottoming, I lost my erection and then it hit rock bottom I didn’t even get one at all - and they were hot.
After a very long dry spell and stopping looking really, I’ve met a guy I like a lot who is mostly a bottom. I took the approach of being open with him and it helped quite a bit. At least I’m now getting an erection with him and he is super excited about my penis, but I lose it as soon as I make a start. He is patient but I’m worried his patience will run out.
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I’m glad to see this post. It happens to all of us. Currently on the apps the majority of the guys defined themselves as bottoms or sides and I think that is due to ED. I’m a 41-year-old vers man and I have the same issue when topping. I look masculine and every time that I have a hook up immediately the guy assumes that I am the top. I like to top but I need time and foreplay and a little connection even if is a one-night stand. Lots of times the guy immediately grabs my dick and if it’s not hard he loses interest and I just want the thing to end. In the last months, I only enjoyed topping when the guy gave me time but unfortunately, that doesn’t happen a lot. Works for me sometimes to create scenarios on my mind when topping a guy but it’s a shame that I can’t focus 100% on the moment.
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