I started watching porn when I was 12 years old, and slowly progressed to more and more extreme content. I ended up getting hooked on some awful fantasies - rape, execution, torture (staged, to be clear, and nothing illegal). All of these is violently at odds with my morals - in real life I’m an aggressive feminist, most of my friends are women, and as a result I feel a lot of shame and hate towards myself around that, which is impacting my sex life. I have never told anyone about these habits for fear of what I believe would be very reasonable judgement. I have since quit porn, but can’t shake that I have this dark secret. Has anyone had a similar experience, and how did you get past it? For others, in total honesty, how do you view that confession, and how would you react if a friend told you? No sugar coating please, I need to wrap my head around it.
I had a very similar experience as a kid, though I started watching porn way before 10yo and my “kinks” still remain.
I enjoy bondage porn. Always have.
As a kid, I used to steal panties from my buddies sisters, moms, etc…
I’ve always felt shame for both of these…..
First, I appreciate the courage it took to make this confession. It is interesting that this app is the first place that you’ve felt comfortable to share it, so, it’s providential that you’re here. Second, absolutely no judgement about what you’ve experienced or chose to do on the past. I’m just glad you can finally clear it out of your closet. I’ve had friends reveal deep and dark secrets about their past and it draws me closer to them, tells me that we are in the messed up life together, that they trust me enough to finally air it out.
You have arrived at a place where you want to turn from your previous patterns and turn ons, and seem willing to do the work to get on and stay on a new track. To me, that’s what matters. So, let yourself off the hook of self-judgement, criticism, loathing, whatever emotions you’ve held about yourself. That is all behind you. You’ve chosen a different path for what you feel is good sexual health. Stay focused on that. Leave the past in the dust.