Hi all,
I’m a 20 y/o and I’ve had trouble getting and maintaining an erection, as well as cumming during any sexual encounter since I lost my virginity at the age of 17. With the help of Mojo I’ve been able to learn tools to help overcome some of the difficulties causing my distress. The one thing I’m still struggling with is not watching porn. I’ve come to the realization that porn has given me an unrealistic view of sex, and male bodies. I feel like I mostly watch it out of habit these days, and that it’s not beneficial to my life. I see this as one of the last large obstacles I need to overcome in order to reach my goal of having a healthy and pleasurable sex life. Has anyone else struggled with something similar, and would be willing to share some insight on how they overcame this struggle?
Thanks for any help!!!
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Yes I feel like I got desensitized because of porn as well as unfairly comparing my own body to that of porn actors… so it created an unhealthy relationship with me and sex when I would have the opportunities with females… I over thought everything and worried so much about pleasing my partner and failing at it… that it didn’t even feel fun or enjoyable… it was more stressful when it shouldn’t be
Try therapy
Try a 12 step group
Read “Your Brain on Porn” by Gary Wilson
Get “Facing The Shadow” Book for Recovery
Hey I’m 39 and I realised last year how porn was probably one of the main contributing factors to my struggle to maintain an erection. For me I think it made it hard to be turned on by my wife who I’ve been with for 20 years whilst porn was providing me with constant variety which my body was starting to get addicted to needing.I was looking at it multiple times a day and when i decided to stop I replaced it for masturbation with a combination of online erotic stories or just my imagination which ended up having significant improvements for me in sex. Really highly recommend trying it for a few months. Also remove any triggers to look at porn which for me was instagram sexualised content or models etc. so I unfollowed all those accounts and changed my settings for sensitive content which helped too.
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Porn is a destructive thing, I’m able to get hard watching it, but not with a partner. I’m on day 4 right now and I see some better improvements, like I can get hard on my own without porn, where before I couldn’t even do that
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I got an accountability app for my device that doesn’t restrict my access in any way, but does send a report to a trusted support person so we could have conversations about what was happening when I had a setback. I think overall, porn is harmful, but it is more about the underlying reasons you are using it. Ex. Loneliness, isolation, avoidance of tasks or responsibilities, desire for control, feeling a loss of control or powerlessness, self-soothing, etc. If you start to address those things, porn will tend to lose its luster. The real world really is filled with deep wonder and excitement, it just takes a bit more work and patience to get to it. Fantasy is quick and easy, but in the end it’s often quite empty. So I guess replacement is an important key along with accountability/mentoring/support.
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I feel you ought to delve deep in to why you watch it, and if you want to stop how much would you honestly like to? I used porn to explore myself, as I felt unconfident and decided I wouldn’t get a partner, but I wanted to explore my sexuality. I stopped watching because I now have a partner I love deeply and would much rather be with. If you really want to stop you can, so I’d meditate upon that thought for as long as it takes you, and then stopping would be as simple as not doing it, and it wouldn’t be something you need to struggle with, as how is doing something you want to do a struggle, really? If you wanted to dye your hair blue and you honestly wanted to, wouldn’t you? If you want to stop porn, and you actually really do, wouldn’t you? You’re capable of achieving anything you desire to, if you’re honest with yourself about why, and focus on that end. If you’re habitual (as I deeply am) change your habits in time. Watch soft core, then watch sexy movies, then read sexy books, or move on to less sexual habits over time. You have all the time in the world to overcome it, find your way!
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Porn can help spice up your sex life by giving you possible avenues on the other hand it can destroy your sexlife. What we all tend to forget when watching porn is that it’s not real they are actors playing a role the noises is for the benefit of the camera. I’m single and gay so i watch gay porn a lot . As one person say it is addictive and you need to think are they better way to releave yourself
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I am a walker boner person. I get erected easily, but I struggle to maintain an erection during the penetration. I used to watch porn for a while. I started to notice I was not interested in holler girls because I was always able to satisfy myself through porn. I was experiencing an issue of getting erected during intercourse with a sexual partner. My sexual performance anxiety is so high.This has destroyed my relationships and self-esteem. I quit watching porn over 60 days. I also used to mastubate at the same position to release sexual stress. During the foreplay, I feel my penis getting harder and reaching complete erection. I just need tips on how to keep maintaining erection and eliminating sexual performance anxiety during a sex intercourse with my partner.
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I’ll be honest I’m going through this as you are, so just know you aren’t alone. I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been able to hold off for the last week. I have been going to the gym, getting outside on walks with my dog, and I’ll be honest talking to girls really helps me. If I can’t watch porn, what’s to say I can’t harness that sexual energy, and turn it into confidence with the ladies. Ya feel? I hope this helps, this is how I think about it. I have no inclination to self pleasure considering I’m distracted all day doing things that I know bring me more pleasure.
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100% I used porn heavily during a very long and unhappy marriage, interestingly maybe once I divorced that intensified (maybe obviously) but I then started to encounter erection problems when I was with a new partner … I’ve come to realise that it’s totally unhelpful to me, both with unrealistic expectations but also I think on a deeper level it’s holding me in the past with my negative thoughts and experiences from my past relationship which I think is key to me loosing erections - seeing this links helped me loose the desire to use porn and I’m now focusing any self pleasure on my own thoughts or experienced and trying to centre my pleasure back to myself
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I’ve started just using ASMR or audio porn as a substitute for real porn. I’ve totally cut down on watching porn the last month.
I recommend checking out the work of David Ley. He’s a research psychologist who studies “sex addiction” and “porn addiction.” In short, porn itself is less the problem but rather one’s beliefs are attitudes about porn. I found his work to be good for helping me de-shame and quiet the inner critic.
Going to be blunt here. I agree with most here. I struggle with it too as a stress relief tool especially when work stress is high and especially on the road when traveling overnight and away from my wife. My wife does not know about my struggle with it obviously and I’m trying hard to go cold turkey. Porn has caused me grave issues with erections and the suggestion to read the book (Your brain in Porn) by another user is a great one. And it has caused ED issues which is totally unfair to her - all caused by my addiction. No normal woman is going look like or make the moves the porn actresses do. For example Most women aren’t lesbians and are repulsed by lesbian or for that matter semen facials but my brain and body have been wired for that. All thanks to my porn addiction. Good news is that since I quit, my erections have returned and held. And more stamina too because porn conditions us to ejaculate quickly.
I disagree with the idea that non-deviant porn watching is consequence-free and normal. Like any addiction, one needs more and more of it to sustain the pleasure centers of our brains. The videos seem to suggest that Norma porn watching habits are completely harmless.
I am in the struggle currently. I go to SAA - sex addicts anonymous for porn addiction. I don’t think porn is addictive for everyone, but I believe that I am not able to use it in a way that doesn’t become compulsive. Plus my wife is 100% against it. It’s done a lot of damage in my life, mainly in just sapping up so much time that I could have used to do healthier things. I created a really unrealistic view of what sex should be like and what sexual partners are - both male and female. My inner critic is almost always saying things about how I should be able to perform like the men in porn flicks. I don’t know if my ED is caused by porn or not, but it definitely doesn’t help. Just my experience.
Yes. I also struggle with not watching porn. The problem I have is the level of taboo I need to even become really aroused. The porn I watch now is very degrading to the women involved and I feel shame after watching it. I am a loving sweet person and would never dream of doing the things I see to a person I love. I think that only with the help of my partner with patience and attention will I be able to beat this.
I am so glad to read that I am not the only one who struggles with this! Thanks, guys!
Going cold turkey can be tough and is often counterproductive. Instead, try to shift from movies and sexualized images to erotic stories or audio porn first. We need to stop relying on visual stimulation.
Then, move to fantasizing about attractive people you see during the day. Use memories of past sexual experiences. The goal is to retrain your erotic imagination, so you can call on it during partnered sex.
I’ve been battling porn addiction for a while now. I reached the point where I lost my erection before penetration every single time with different partners. I had minor and occasional trouble in my teens but this time it had proved impossible for me to have sex. I was 20 and regularly exercised while maintaining a good lifestyle. I had no idea why I couldn’t get hard and it was debilitating. One day, I came across the website “Your Brain on Porn” and read many of the articles and first hand accounts. Thereafter, things started to piece together. I did a self assessment of my porn use and since first watching porn as a young teenager my usage had changed significantly. I now watched it everyday, I watched porn that was more hardcore and I would spend an hour just watching videos before I felt I found the right one. Long story short, I avoided all porn and porn fantasy for 3 months - it was extremely difficult. Many times I craved porn but I was able to avoid it. Then, my erections came back! I noticed that women in life became far more attractive and I became so much more interested in them. I was overconfident. I returned to porn thinking I was in control now, only to lose my erection during sex after a month of porn use. Now I’m back on the wagon, and glad to say no matter how I feel I don’t want porn in my life ever again. I’m here at mojo to improve all parts of my sexual health and make up for many years of lost experiences. If you want to avoid porn, you have to accept you never want it as part of your life ever again. Remind yourself that every time you want to watch it. You will fail, but we all do. Just remember that there is a difference between losing and giving up. Best of luck, hope this helps!
I’m 27 and in the past few months have had issues getting hard during sex but now I’m struggling to get hard alone too