Currently having ED issues with my partner. I either struggle to get it up and stay hard while with her, or I have to picture other women while we’re having sex just to get hard and cum.
I fear that years of watching more and more extreme porn just so I could cum has messed me up somehow. I used to use it as a tool to help me cum regularly and since giving it up find it difficult to get hard or cum with my partner.
If I picture other women I can sometimes get hard and cum, but that often means that we’re having sex in the dark which doesn’t make her feel great about her body.
I feel like years of chasing after more and more stimulus and satisfaction has made it difficult to enjoy what’s directly in front of me.
Has anyone experienced this before and how did you overcome it?
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I haven’t experienced exactly what you have, but I can tell you that so many of us are dealing with how porn has messed up our brain/body connections. It takes time for the brain to rewire itself, but it does happen and work. What porn does is disassociate our minds from reality and our bodies so that we seek more and more dopamine hits in an endless cycle. I think some people can handle it and consume it in a non-compulsive way, but I, at least, cannot. Then I feel guilt and the cycle continues. It sucks. Anyway, I would guess the majority of us on here share the big takeaways from your struggles with porn. You are not alone. I’ve found that quitting cold turkey (and giving myself grace for the inevitable slip-ups), cutting back on all electronic stimulation like browsing and social media, as well as the activities on here that focus on your body and sensations have been very helpful. One thing that’s helped me through the fantasy/porn reliant arousal is focusing my attention on myself and being “selfish” in bed. It takes the focus of the external and visual need for dopamine and has allowed me to tap back into my own sexual energy that I thought had disappeared years ago. It’s crazy when it starts to come back to you little by little (think back to that crazy sexual feeling you would get when you first going through puberty). It’s there hidden, waiting to be retired. I’m relatively older and have been surprised that I can still feel that. Anyway, it’s been a challenging and long road and I’ve dealt with dead periods of no libido, but it does get better with time. I’m still not totally where I want to be, but I’m much better than before. I don’t care what anyone says, porn in the manner it’s now made and can be consumed is a terrible thing. But we can do this. Good luck, my brother!
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I’ve been there. After breaking up with my wife, I regularly used porn. I later met a girl and couldn’t get hard. I discovered Easy Peasy online and now I haven’t looked at porn for about 5 months, have a new girlfriend and we fuck regularly. Give it a go. It definitely helped me. And good luck.
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Thank you for your input. I think I’ll try and work on reconnecting with my body with some of the activities on here.
Anything you’d recommend ?
Thanks for the input.
What’s this Easy Peasy stuff you mentioned?
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It’s a resource i found online. Basically, a book that you can work through or listen to. It looks at why we use porn, the effect it has on us and, importantly, how to give it up. I used porn a lot and havent been anywhere near it for over 5 months. I feel so much better for it, mentally. Good luck.
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You may be a bit too used to your girl, and sometimes some space allows you to miss them and build up that tension and arousal for her.