Erect when I masturbate but been having ed recently

Hi, I have been married for 5 years and have had a good sex life. I have always had sex with condoms however recently I have been trying without it ( planning to start family) and it’s not enjoyable. As a result I have developed sudden ED and am having anxiety every time I decide to have sex. It has become worse this month when I am having an erection but can’t maintain it long enough for sex. When I manage to do it, I can’t ejaculate and my penis goes soft in the middle. My wife is supportive enough for this but this is distressing me a lot. I still watch porn whenever I get a chance and have no problems getting erection and ejaculation. Have joined mojo due to this as it’s a shock for me. I am now less interested in sex due to this and feel like a loser. Is there one in this forum to shed some light on what’s happening to me and if this is treatable? Please provide any suggestions based on your experience


Hi thanks for sharing this.

I wonder if at some level you are concerned about pregnancy - we’ve often spent years making sure about birth control and then when we try for a baby we have to do the opposite - I think it can take a while to allow yourself to cum inside her / without condoms - and yes the feeling is different too.

Also trying for a family increases the pressure and can make sex feel more like a “mating” or breeding programme or chore sometimes especially if you are highly focused in ovulation timing and so on - ie the pleasure aspects can be reduced - and this can lead to ed too.

Does any of that sound prompt any thoughts for you?

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Thanks, all of this rings a bell. Since we’re trying for a baby, I have become more focused on the end process rather than enjoying the process.

Earlier we were just enjoying it but now it’s more of a mundane stuff, needs to be done perfectly, in a proper time and I guess this is increasing the pressure. And because of this, I guess I have developed Ed and have become anxious/frightened when I think about sex which leads to weak erection. It’s getting worse day by day.

Good to have joined mojo and talk to you which eases a little bit of pressure. Thanks bro

Yeah I’ve found these comments sections really helpful - you are not alone here.

Don’t underestimate how stressful making babies is on both of you. Actually getting pregnant in any one cycle is pretty low probability - like 25 to 30% or so I understand and that’s if everything is perfect and planets align. Lower in real life. So it can take time and be very emotional. Pregnancy can fail early too and back to square one.

I don’t mean to be depressing ( based on experience!) but just encourage you to go with the flow and breathe through it! Take a break if it all gets too much for a while.

I hope it goes well for you.

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Hey just wanted to chime in here. Been with my wife for 10 years, dated in college, we were each others firsts and always used condoms. I think the thought about always trying to avoid pregnancy but now all of a sudden wanting it to happen rings a bell with me. We are trying to conceive and everytime it’s the “perfect” time I can kind of guess (wife stopped telling me) and just seem to overthink the whole day leading up to afternoon/evening when sex would usually happen. For me I think I find excitement in random and unplanned sex and can perform fine there, but as soon as it started becoming planned and necessary I started having this ED issue.

Yeah this has been the main problem with me. I was ok until it was unplanned and random. The moment we decided to plan it perfectly to score within the limited time for the baby, Ed started kicking in due to performance pressure and me getting anxious . I have taken a break and been using this app. I believe this is more of a psychological issue which every parent would have faced before they planned. Hopefully will make it work the next time