Erect for Oral but get soft during vaginal

Hey guys. So I’m super confused as to why I lose my erection when trying to go inside my partner. I’ve started this sexual well-being journey recently and here’s how it’s progressed:

ED, no boner at all → boner with excessive stimulus → boner without stimulus but lost it quickly → boner that stays pretty hard for oral but quickly goes soft in vagina and generally speaking doesn’t stay hard long without constant stimulus.

So I guess I’ve made progress form where I started but I also wasn’t really having as much sex as I have been recently (always been a bad dater until recently). Any ideas as to why I might be struggling to keep it hard for vagina but not for oral?


I think you just might not be used to the sensations on your penis of vaginal sex yet. New and different ways of stimulation aren’t always “100% hell yeah let’s go!” for everyone. It takes your body some time to get used to. And your mind for what it thinks of it.

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Same here. Oral, hand jobs, fine. Try and put it in the vagina, I lose it straight away. I read about spectatoring and I don’t think that helps. If I watch myself try and enter her I lose it. Which is odd because I have always enjoyed that sight. But now I am watching to see if I am hard enough to enter…which just isn’t sexy or fun. So I think that’s part of my problem. Although l love watching her suck and wank me :man_shrugging:


It can be super helpful to do some mindful masturbation. Take your time, do it differently, sometime use your other hand etc Make sure you use lots of lube, don’t use a tight grip. Try doing it in different positions, kneeling, one arm etc Mojo’s waxing & waning very helpful too


Appreciate the feedback. Makes sense!

Okay, I’ll try that. I tend to have one specific position so this could be a good exercise. Thanks for the feedback!