Hey all. I had a setback recently and I’m kind of retracing my steps and starting some things over on this app. I have recently noticed that I sometimes have difficulty masturbating to orgasm by myself/alone. Has anyone else struggle with this, and if so, what worked for you to overcome it? I’ve had the struggles with partnered sex with my wife (who is awesome and supportive btw), but encountering this during self pleasure is somewhat new for me and a bit distressing. Any feedback is appreciated.
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Happens to me sometimes. Mostly when I am in the habit of masturbating and look forward to the O but in reality I’m not turned on or am distracted. Try to notice when it happens and see if there are patterns.
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Can’t tell you how much ‘mindful masturbation’ helps here – just yourself, your hands, some lube, and plenty of time. Exploring new connections with yourself. And even better if you can do so without focussing on orgasm - “wax and wane”, maybe 3x - without cumming (cumming next day is ‘allowed’). Wow.
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I think we put pressure on ourselves to perform, even when we’re alone sometimes. I’ve caught myself trying to force masturbation before and it not working. I believe our mindset going into sex with ourself or others is essential to how it turns out (and how we perceive it). This includes being mindful and respectful of our body as well as a partner’s. I’ve found sometimes my body simply doesn’t want to and that’s okay. I just try to relax, adjust expectations, and go with the flow. Whether we’re alone or with someone, goal-oriented sex can be problematic, so try taking the pressure to cum off the table, or whatever other pressure might be in your head, and be kind to yourself. Enjoy the pleasure along the way rather than rushing to a specific outcome.