I spent most of my day yesterday touring several local cruising parks and found the experience pretty terrorizing. I never got close to being hit on, but just the sneaking around and getting way off the beaten path where I thought I might find other guys really stressed me out. I don’t think I could have come close to getting it up if I HAD been hit on! Now I feel like I have created just another connection in my brain between wanting sex and serious stress. I feel similarly when I visit the baths-no chance of getting an erection there. So, I guess I know what to avoid, but I am just crazy worried that my hookup days are over with no prospect of a regular. I could barely even take care of myself last night.
Thoughts on the unique pressures a top feels?
Hey, I can appreciate this.
IV never done cruising because of the fear. I wish I could but again fear
I seriously doubt I’d be so brave as to cruise IRL in public like that. It’d be nice, but that comes with too many of the bad images drilled into my head as a child from the 1970s.
I have been spending a bit of time in Grindr with the mistaken idea of taking a “sink-or-swim” approach to topping: hooking up with a bunch of guys and allowing myself to fail to hopefully get over this ED. Hasn’t worked too well so far, but I’m not done trying yet.
I consider myself mostly a top–I just don’t find bottoming all that pleasurable. It doesn’t feel bad, it’s just that I don’t seem to experience that prostate stimulation that seems to be the holy grail of gay sex.
Of course, being a top with ED is frustrating as hell, almost as frustrating as being an inexperienced top. Bottoms seem to complain about all the preparation they need to do, but that’s easy, that just takes discipline. During the actual act itself, they can just lay back and eat crackers if they wish, and not have to worry about worrying, not be too much in their heads about being too much in their heads, let their minds and bodies disconnect if they wish.
I think everyone who cruises in a public park or gay bathhouse feels a certain level of anxiety or excitement. So much is communicated through non-verbal cues: a glance, a gesture, a wink, etc. Knowing the codes can reduce anxiety.
A good bottom does more than just lay there. There’s the preparation of course. But quickly figuring out what turns the top on, being attentive to him, communicating/negotiating positions and practices, tightening/relaxing the spincter muscles at the right moments, all this takes skills and practice.
I want to find a bottom on Grindr to put all that I’ve learned on Mojo so far to good use and see if I can top.
Frankly I have a problem with cruising or any like adrenaline inducing play like a public restroom even with a partner cuz I get too amped and cum basically instantly if I can get hard. It’s so frustrating to have both sides of this spectrum