I have had a huge dry spell in my life where I have not had sex for around 8-9 years. Recently I have been seeing a woman and we finally got into bed together a few days ago. I find her super attractive and badly want to have sex with her but no matter what I could not get hard. This happened to me 2 nights in a row and has really knocked my confidence down. Once I was alone I masturbated and got hard just fine so I know its not a physical problem but a mental one. Wondering if anyone else has had a similar problem and what they found helped the best. I’m still new here so still exploring the information
That happened to me a while ago, try not to be hard on yourself.
One tip I can give you is to talk with her, maybe she could help you with that since it’s not a physical problem and it’s mentally.
Try to relax and maybe u can extend the foreplay, so it’s easy to you to get an erection.
I opened up to my new gf. Completely.
About my ped., my death grip and that I’ve had it a long time.
I told her it’s my issue, but there’s a few ways you could possibly help…
We’re both nervous. Not wanting to hurt the others feelings, say something wrong or overstep.
I told her I love her and in bed all I want to do is make her cum. A lot! I also want to have some fun as well.
Tell me what you like. Specifically. She’d never had a guy go down on her that knew what he was doing… so I got pretty good at it. Knowing I can make her knees buckle, make her wiggle up the bed and have multiple Os without a hardon is absolutely game changing for me!!
I asked her to try talking dirtier in bed. Not filthy, just kinda naughty. Be direct. If I’m not in the right spot tell me so. Tell me faster. Harder. Softer slower. The other morning she said I want you to finger me while I play with my toy. Boom! Once her orgasm subsided and I cuddled her for a few, I was hard and effed her for a good while. Her asking for what she wanted triggered my hardon.
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Be open with your new girlfriend about what’s going on. It’s normal that erections get shy if they haven’t been seen by another person in a while. You got to get comfortable and gain confidence with each other. Take showers together, get comfortable being naked. Have no expectations for erections. Be in the shower together and admire her body, rub up close to her body, kiss her neck, her face, her lips, gaze into her eyes.
Also, serious question, I don’t assume you were completely monk-mode during the 9 year dry spell. Did you watch a lot of porn? Do you have a hard grip? Maybe try adding lube when by yourself, don’t be afraid to spend money for your pleasure, as I remember for me I thought “why should I, I can jerk off without spending money on lube.” But it’s an experiment well worth the trouble.
Ease your way into feeling horny with one another. Don’t just into penetration sex. Just be nude and give each other sensual massages. Eventually graduate to watching each other masturbate. Then graduating to allowing her to pleasure you (hand, head), and certainly be a giver for her. In fact, all the while, you can be a giver to her even if you don’t have an erection, a sexual encounter can still occur despite the absence of an erection. Give her pleasure.
But yeah, just about acclimatizing to the situation. When you gain confidence in having an erection in front of her through preceding steps, you might try rubbing it on her clit and vulva. Eventually you can try sliding it inside her vagina.
It’s a process.
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