Hi Guys
Maybe you can help me…when I was younger I had episodes where I would go soft this usually happened when I was dating and either I would fix the problem quickly or I would walk away from the girl as I cant stand the embarrassment and shame. 2 weeks ago and the first time came with a new girl I was dating who I am into but I couldn’t get hard. This was massively unexpected and for the last 2 weeks until I saw her yesterday I have been destroying myself mentally wherever I have been it has been the forefront of my mind. No surprises I am sure you can guess…yes I went soft again. I feel powerless and I am creating the nonsense in my head that it is always going to be like this. Eventually after a lot of foreplay she calmed me down and helped me to ejaculate and this was very fast and not vert enjoyable.
It has even gotten to a point where I cannot even get hard in the mornings currently as I am so consumed by this. I mean no surprise if this is all I am thinking of.
Has anyone get any suggestions how I can break this cycle of self torture?
All I want is to get hard but I know by thinking this way it is very counter productive.
Keeping it a secret is going to Sabotage you….
After years of PED with the x wife, I’m with a new gf and early on I had a conversation with her about my issues. (Ped and death grip.) she’s super understanding and helpful. She also has issues where she won’t get wet sometimes and I don’t even blink an eye, I just reach for the lube and we’re all good. (We’re 53!) through working this app, realizing sex should be fun, having a partner that enjoys my oral and fingering which leads to multi orgasms, makes me feel more confident that even if my dick does not cooperate, she’s satisfied really helps!
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My point is- talk to her.
It may be an embarrassing conversation, but prolly less than when you’re naked…. In my case she took it well and that took a bunch of pressure off me.
FYI pills won’t overcome PED or a mental block…. Ask me how I know….
Hey man, great thing that You are sharing, this shows that you’re not close to a conversation and talking about it. I have been in similar scenarios as You. I have had several girlfriends with which I struggled.to.get hard, could not fuck and sex was not this pleasurable. I’m on the app, so not all of the problems are solved, but I have definitely noticed that my problems come from my head. I lose focus, think about getting hard, or that I’m soft and it just spirals in a way where I was overworked in my head. I would say, talking about it and taking it slow felling it out, taking breaks etc is the best You can do. I know that there are this societal expectations, that a man should immediately be hard, fuck, and be the man, and it has enormously affected me too. Don’t hesitate to take a step back and on a daily basis revisit them ( I’m working with my psychologist on that tbh(. What would You want sex to look like,.if it was only for You ? What do you enjoy ? What puts you under pressure ? Replace the weird image given by societal norma of fucking and not caring by a more mindfully experience, that does not need to be penetration every time. You can talk about those things, give your girl oral, make out for a longer time, feel it out more ( I recommend reading" she comes First" great book about giving oral sex and will definitely also boost confidence in understanding what feels good to her).
I get you - I also struggle to talk about that, tried pills - they help out but it does not feel right - it’s like going through a different experience than what I would want sex to be. Own it and with time You will find that the intimate time you get will be great.
It’s crazy how much the mind is a hindrance, I came out of a relationship 7 months ago straight into another. I was in my previous relationship for 18 years never had to many issues getting it up but I wouldn’t really last long, now in my new relationship I’ve never been happier in my life and I think the world of new partner and just want everything to be amazing and in doing so I think I’m getting in my head and I keep losing my erection and spiraling to add pressure as well she is very self critical as well so she starts thinking it her fault then that makes me spiral even more. she knows and understands the issue but can’t help the feeling we are both as bad as each other I think. Ive never cared about anybody more than I do about her and I keep messing it up 
I hope that this app can help us all to be happy and perform
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Get a prescription for viagra or cialis
Have a conversation with your partner about the issue, if you can’t have the conversation with you, or she reacts poorly to it, then she’s not the one. Someone who really loves and cares about you will help you with the process of working through these things. Remember that it is just that, a process, so it won’t “be fixed” overnight, but gradually the instances will become fewer and fewer.
Sit with the fear and panic, don’t let it consume you, just sit with it and ask (yes directly ask to the panic; it can help to visualize a body that represents th panic while doing this) “what are you trying to tell me, I’m here to listen, and I will not react? and then let your body speak.
This has helped me immensely. I am actually in communication with my body now, giving voice to all of the unheard parts of myself and if you are experiencing these problems something in you is stressed and has no other outlet to say it so it’s taking away your sex so that you have to look at it. (WARNING it both can and could not have ANYTHING to do with sex/your new partner. It could be stress at work, stress with family, or a myriad of other things.)
I hope this helps, this panic pain and embarrassment sucks, I know it well, I lived it off and on for 2-3 years disappointed my self and the women I was with and I’m finally getting back to being confident in the bedroom and in life