Complicated Case: tried to overcome sexual anxiety using ED meds (unprescribed) now created new problem

So my situation is one I knowingly created. I have always wanted to try out new and exciting sexual situations (sex clubs, meeting randoms online, couples etc…) for all kinds of wild encounters.

However I am also super high anxiety and pretty quickly turned to ED meds to facilitate these experience.

The result is that it turned into a situation where I would struggle to get hard with a new partner. I eventually overcame it with my current partner but am aware that it is still a thing with anyone new (we do play outside the relationship occasionally) I recently went on holiday and ended up using a lot of taladafil for some encounters while away (I didn’t even try to get hard naturally), now back with my partner and I’m feeling anxious and just not getting turned on again. Partly guilt partly anxiety about having just used meds to get hard. Maybe just anxiety in general about what it all means.

The thing is, we haven’t even tried having sex yet, I just tried masturbating a few times and it took a lot of work to get hard, often it starts and then I give up because I feel like it’s pointless.

I’ve overcome this once before so know i can again, but wondering if anyone else has any experience similar and any advice.

It’s made me realise I need to address some things about my sex life properly and not just try to drug my way through uncomfortable situations.

How far are you in the Mojo phases? I think as you progress and continue to do the exercises you will feel more confident. That’s been my experience.

I understand what you’re describing except from a gay perspective of bathhouses and hookups. I find with my husband I rarely have much trouble getting an erection (though the quality of it can vary for sure) but during external playtime it’s a gamble.

What I learned from all this is that I have to have some level of trust and connection with my partner so lots of relaxed foreplay is needed to get eased into it. I learned I have a more responsive desire/arousal system than I do a spontaneous one. Maybe you do too.

And if my partner has a lot of expectations and fantasy projections happening that I can’t plug into then I am likely to just exit the scenario as amicably as I can. That’s why the bathhouse is the better choice for me — again, walking away with a kiss, and saying “thanks” is totally acceptable.

Good luck!