I am a very anxious person in general. On top of this I was raised Catholic my entire life and had the idea that sex was ābadā programmed into me from a young age. Recently I have been having trouble getting hard right before we are about to actually have sex. Iāll be fine during fore play most of the time but right before the ābig actā it doesnāt eant to work. Iāve been kind of seeing someone and I have opened up to her about how my anxiety has been causing me trouble and whatnot, and she is so patient and understanding about it, which is nice, but I really like this girl and want to be able to experience this with her. Iāve been seeing a therapist about my anxiety, and started using Mojo. If anyone has any history with this or advice that would be great
I have also suffered with anxiety for several years for a combination of reasons - similarly religious upbringing, low self esteem and also smoking a lot of weed in my late teens. The first couple of times I was with my first GF I barely lasted at all, I was then single for a good 3 years before I had sex again with a new partner and by that point it had become a great source of anxiety as my only experience was so bad, after a little while with that GF I was able to improve my performance through being more active and healthy, reducing stress through mindfulness and breathing techniques and her being understanding about the issue. Iām now single again and dating so I feel the anxiety again as I have to worry that any new girl Iām with may be less understanding. It sounds like youāve got a great understanding girl who will support you and youāre getting the therapy you need so Iām sure youāll get over it in no time - best of luck mate
I just joined mojo so I donāt have any advice as I am currently battling this problem along side you. However, you are not alone. I come from an extremely similar background and my life is run by anxiety except this time, it is now taking away my manhood (or so it feels). I think itās great your partner has been patient with you. How did you bring the topic up? Iād love some advice for trying to explain to my girlfriend that this isnāt her fault.
my exact situation: no or just a few problems phisycally, but tones of it in the anxiety department. After 1 week with mojo I felt myself more confident and we had sex with my wife two days in a raw which hasnāt happened a long time. And I was able to get it through and get my piece of joy! So I will definitely continue with mojo and see if the effect is permanentā¦
Hey,
yep a high degree of sexual shaming around.
I think itās important to enjoy the whole experience together, with the ābig actā ( I assume intercourse) just one possibility for exploring and being with each other - you can both likely enjoy incredible intimacy ( and an orgasm !) without going anywhere near intercourse until that feels like a natural and comfortable progression for you both.
If she is pushing for this - it can be just social conditioning for both of you that that is the goal - is it really? Has she explored her body and the pleasures arising without intercourse? Have you?
I am finding Mojo really helpful with this reconnection with the body - we need to take a chill pill and enjoy things where we are at and not get frustrated with what āshould beā ā¦ itās a journey.
All the best.
Finding it hard to keep it up. Iām bisexual but always been with guys. Inner critic is telling me what Iām doing is wrong with a girl and really affecting my ability to get turned on and stay excited
Hi Iām Catholic and new to Mojo. Iāve been told that sex is goodā¦ but then again, Iām marriedā¦ I guess I could see getting told differently if I wasnāt. Anyway, I think being exposed to porn at a very young age got me here. Very hopeful that I can rewire my brain with Mojo and be able to have great intimacy with my wife
Hey all, recently separated so havenāt had much chance to experiment with different coping mechanisms on the app BUT I do feel confident that I am reconnecting with my body. Iām aware itās a process and I have lived with physiological ed for over 20 years so I am willing to put the time in to sort my issues. Exposure to porn in my early teens was also the beginnings of my problems - it then became a compulsive habit for most of my adult life. Enough is enough now! Thank you mojo
Youāre halfway there having a patient and understanding partner. My advice would be learn the diaphragmatic breathing to control anxiety and spend time thinking about the pleasurable and turn on side of theābig actā for you and her - so over time these replace thinking of it as a performance challenge for you to just enjoy it without overthinking. Iām on a similar journey myself-funny how many guys here started out with a catholic upbringing!
This resonates a ton ā also raised Catholic. I think modern attention to consent (a good thing) has also amplified my anxiety about whether any sexual encounter is ācorrectā or āsinful.ā Even when everything seems good at the beginning, a subtle shift in mood between us or even in my own head can drive a mental shift that makes it almost impossible to continue enjoying the same experience. Like you I have been blessed with an understanding partner and am hopeful this program can help.
I like to take ice and Viagra together makes things very interesting
Anybody from Batemans Bay Australia?
Try Viagara to build your confidence
I just joined MOJO today. I feel like Iāve tried many avenues to try and deal with my anxieties and performance anxiety. When the time comes for intercourse my body goes straight into fight-or-flight and I knows itās over then. Heart races and not a single sexual thought (other than negative ones) occur. My partner was initially understanding, but now itās so bad that sheās questioning my sexual desire for her. Iām trying to be optimistic but can I really be helped?
Iāve had a problem with size which causes anxiety.
I have the same issue. My last sexual encounter I was going down on my gf and everything was amazing. We were both ready to move on from the fore play, but in the time it took me to get from the end of the bed to the nightstand and get a condom out it was gone. I had to start back at square one.
The thing that has always helped me in these situations was returning to a place I felt confident. For me that is giving oral. Mojo has really given this technique a name and brought it to the front of my mind, but when Iām in a position in which I know I can perform well it allows me to focus. When my energy and attention are on the task at hand and my only goal is her pleasure, mine comes back with no problems. This place of confidence will look different to everyone, and some days itās different to me, but the results are always positive.
Usually, Iām confident in the bedroom and like to take charge , but recently my inner critic has been in my ear about getting hard and staying hard which has a negative effect and immediately affects my erection which intern affects my confidence and anxiety about performing
Iāve just joined Mojo so hoping it helps me overcome these issues
I have liked this girl for a long time and always masturbated to her but have also been heavily addicted to porn after working on my self she is giving me a chance things are still fresh and we havenāt had sex yet but the times we have made out and such I can they fully hard or even close iām still kinda turned on but itās been 1 week since I quit porn cold turkey and my anxiety is through the roof and itās not helping.
I can relate 100 percent. My anxiety causes me to either not be able to get hard in the moment or if I do - then itās a race to the finish. I think Iāve trained my brain to bring me to orgasm quickly to avoid disappointment of becoming flaccid. Iām here hoping to gain some confidence and slow things down.
Hi man Iām catholic and totally get where you are coming from and to be honest the old Catholic guilt is a real thing. Probably benefits people in some ways but the anxiety is real . What helped me was when I got married I actually read part of the bible and realised that sex is permitted and encouraged. Yes for married people but god is all for sex and I by no means waited before I started doing it . If you like her and are in a relationship have fun man enjoy each other and give yourself a break