Just joined Mojo

Hi all, I’ve just joined Mojo and I’m looking forward to overcoming my issues. My situation is complex and if you’ve got time to hear me out I’ll explain why.

The first time I had an erection issue was when I was about 18. I was having a moment with a girl who’d I’d always wanted to be with and I got so nervous that I lost my erection. I guess I’ve had issues, on an off, since then (and that was over 20 years ago).

I have been with my wife for about 20 years and married for more than 10. I have had erection issues during this time, particularly around the time we first started having sex (because it was a bit clumsy and I often lost my erection before penetration), and also when we were trying for our second baby, because it became a bit regimented and I suppose I overthought it. There have been other sporadic situations, too, but I’ve always been able to overcome them eventually. We don’t communicate well about anything sexual, and so she doesn’t know what to do to help, and often says something which makes me feel inadequate, so I end up feeling deflated.

Things currently are more complex. About a year ago I started an affair with an old friend and my feelings for her are incredibly strong. Neither of us want to break up our families at this time, and we both know we should stop, but we just can’t. She makes my life complete. My sex life with her is amazing. She makes me feel extremely at ease, and her sexual energy matches mine much better than my wife. We can talk openly about anything and everything.

I know that this situation is very wrong and probably a factor in my current erection issues with my wife. I feel so anxious before and during any sexual interaction with my wife and lose my cool as a result. I fully believe that we can have a sex life, which is important for the relationship.

I recently started taking 2.5mg Taladafil daily, which was almost certainly a silly decision. I felt this would be the magic solution, maybe just for a short while, so I could get my confidence back. Alas it did not help me with my wife last night, the first time we’ve tried since I started taking it. That said, it was better than anything else I’ve managed with her this year - I did get an erection, which I lost, but then got back when she stimulated me, and I managed penetration but lost it because I was not relaxed and was thinking about not losing my erection…

I realise I have some personal issues that I need to overcome, but I’m hoping that I can learn techniques to relax with my wife and get back on track.

Thanks for listening, I really appreciate it.

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Are you visually stimulated? Who are you more physically attracted to? Is that a big part of your arousal? Or is the arousal with the friend based on it being taboo?

I guess there is an element of taboo, although it’s been going for long enough now that it just feels normal. I am visually stimulated by her and more physically attracted to her. The other issue is I now feel weird with my own wife, like I’m cheating on my friend, which is weird in itself. I appreciate this is a different issue to what Mojo aims to solve, but I fully believe I can still be sexual with my wife, but I really have a mental block and have had this issue with my wife long, long before the affair.

Sorry just realised I didn’t reply directly to your comment!

I would say man, go to Explore → Meditations. And do all of them… Do daily at least 3, and see the results…

Thank you, I will.