Hi all, 24M here. This is my first day on MOJO and I’m excited to see what it offers and I’ve felt comfortable reading everyone else’s stories and challenges and felt like sharing my own, partly to get it off my chest and partly for it to be open to feedback from anyone who wants to share their opinion or potentially offer a success situation or who is also going through the same thing.
Background: I started masturbating from 11/12 and almost instantly got hooked. I was an extremely horny individual and have been since. I would masturbate daily, multiple times too and watch porn on every occasion.
I was 18 when I lost my virginity and prior to this, had done nothing except masturbate and on a few occasions been touched around the area and no erectile issues ever even crossed my mind. If anything I thought I was super powered with the amount I could masturbate and be hard.
First experience: After a night out drunk, throbbing during the whole ordeal until it got into her bed and I needed to put the condom on at which point my erection disappeared. This was foreign to me and I panicked and just felt useless. Reminded me of the inbetweeners scene where I slapped it in the mirror begging for it to work.
I then left the room and apologised to her and wanted to leave. My mate was getting with her mate and I told him I was going and he was disappointed and tried convincing me to stay but I wasn’t listening. The girl came back out and whispered something reassuring like “stay with me please” in my ear and I instantly was throbbing again and we had sex for hours without a condom and no issues but I didn’t ejaculate.
I then had several sexual experiences, all with drinking involved and if condom was involved the same situation would happen so I would never want to wear one and therefore it would be fine. I was always still nervous so every situation was with alcohol.
I had an experience through this where I received oral sex off someone and I kept losing and gaining an erection weirdly without alcohol. So I attributed this to needing alcohol for it as well as porn and excessive masturbation.
Therefore, around 20 I went cold turkey on porn/soft porn and masturbation for a month and then came back to sex with alcohol involved. I was able to ejaculate for the first time and also felt good again.
I then trialled a situation where I pursed a girl who had mutual friends which made me more nervous in case I wasn’t able to perform as she may tell others. I tried to engage in sex without alcohol. No condom was used and I was erect but I started feeling nervous and lost the erection during sex quickly and I could not recover it. I then decided to never have another experience with this girl out of fear of this.
I also had an experience following this with another 2 girls where I tried using a condom and therefore it would not work. This led me to believe it was a mix of always needing alcohol and never being able to use a condom and ultimately doubting myself anyway.
Therefore my next experience I experimented with using sildenafil 50mg. This experience was after a night out and was the best sexual experience in terms of how it made me feel in confidence I had ever had. Therefore I found myself using these tablets on every sexual encounter since (any form of sex).
I had fortunately had experiences without alcohol and started to stop relying on that. Therefore it was just this tablet that I felt I ended up needing.
All of this was consistent until my first romantic relationship which started last November. I had decided I was going to make sure I used nothing to assist. I did not drink and did not use any tablets etc. The girl made me wait for sexual experiences too which made me throb every time I was around her and want sex even more as I felt I couldnt have it until I earned it. Also, as the sex wasn’t presented I had no pressure of it so I wanted it extremely bad.
Our first encounters were successful as I felt normal and able to have sex without concerns. No erectile issues were a problem. However, my girlfriend wanted several rounds and even if it was good sex, she wanted it to improve. Therefore I kept having this feeling I needed to get better. Despite this, I was still able to perform.
Unfortunately, all of this came crumbling down when one day a lot of things hit me. Exam stress, just meeting her brothers who tried intimidating and a fact I found out about her ex (I pressed on the matter and read in between the lines about his size) which made me feel like shit. Then I couldn’t perform. She was very upset about it and felt her ex impacted our sex life and then I felt it was my fault. This made me feel one of the worst feelings I had ever felt.
We argued for another reason following this which did not help. I then re introduced the tablet once to restore great sex and make me feel better. However, it was a plaster treatment as when I tried to take it away it would not work after that.
I attended therapy mixed with using tadalafil and since we have had some great sex but still mixed with a couple of moments where the erection goes. Recently it happened and she has pulled me up on it and been concerned about the matter if it was to be a concern for a future sex life. I explained some of the things but not all to her but she has been understanding.
I take supplements of beetroot, watermelon and NO booster alongside everything. I am extremely active and in good shape. It does not feel like I have a physical cause and when I got my blood tests done, everything was in perfect range except my thyroid but they said it was not of concern yet. I still find myself wanting to explore a urologist, diagnostics testing like Doppler etc, ED shockwave therapy and more tests. I just feel like I have to absolutely 100% rule out anything physical as it feels more tangible and easy to fix.
I don’t know how much I can fix the psychological as even with the CBT sessions it did not feel incredibly effective and I ultimately do find myself getting caught in my own head during sex. I’m looking forward to trying mojo daily to really try a more consistent learning.
I know this was a really long message and I apologise in advance. But thank you for taking the time to read and acknowledge this and leave any comments if can relate in any way or have success stories or even support. It would be greatly appreciated.