How did I get here?

I just want to share my story and see if anyone can relate.
I am 53 and have been married for 20 years. We started off with a crazy good sex life when we first met but after kids came and life got complicated things simmered down as would be expected. To this day we still have sex at least once a month or so but no where near where I would like it to be. I travel a lot for work and would spend my time in the hotel masterbating to porn. Sometimes up to three times a day just to pass the time. My sexual desire has always been super high and still is.
A couple years ago I suddenly found myself struggling to get an erection with my wife and the problem has gotten worse and worse up to this day. I wondered if it was an age thing at first but after doing some research I was certain it was because of porn. I swore off porn for awhile but once in awhile would think that once in awhile wouldn’t hurt but never went back to 1-3 time a day.
Eventually I went to a doctor. Everything was good physically. He gave me a prescription for Cialis which seems to work great. I keep hearing medication can make this problem worse but am not sure why it would. Maybe psychological dependency?
I then read about the long term effects alcohol could have on getting it up. For several years I have had a 2-4 glasses of bourbon habit at night. Could that be it?
I get rock solid morning wood everyday. If I watch porn I can get a full- on boner. No problem. Now whether with my wife or all alone without porn I have a very hard time getting fully hard.
About 3 weeks ago I decided to go hard core to fix this. I started Mojo, quit drinking alcohol and watching porn 100%.
Last week my wife and I tried to have sex and at first it wasn’t working. When it was apparent I got too into my head I said, “fuck this” and took a Cialis thinking we can try again later. We lied there for about five minutes and I suddenly got a full erection and we had great sex. I know it wasn’t the Cialis because it doesn’t work that fast. I’m pretty sure it was because I was no longer trying. It just came naturally because my head was no longer worried about it.
Sorry for the long story. This is the most frustrating thing I have ever been through and really needed to vent to you guys. Looking forward to a day when this is behind me hopefully.
All the best to you guys. I feel your pain!


Hey, I am only 41 and not married. I don’t know if any of what I say actually relates. But I’ll go. I’ve been casually seeing a girl I really really like…. (Girl A) And the 3-4 times I stayed over I could get an erection but can’t keep it. She gave me a blowjob and I had minimal feeling…. Like almost like if I was getting erect I couldn’t tell until i touched it. Always went down before we could have sex. So I went out this past Monday with a woman I wasn’t really sexually attracted to…. (girl B) And she gives me a blowjob and I got bigger and harder then I ever have…. We had sex for 80 minutes… with short breaks. I tried to have with girl A this weekend and same thing, hard but couldn’t get erect enough for intercourse. I know it’s mental because what I experienced. It’s frustrating and I’m battling through it. Prayers. And best of luck! Try mojo out and be optimistic. Hope it works for you.


Very similar experience for me. Many years of good but only recently struggled to get it up (started six months ago).

I’ve stopped porn 100% too after learning how it re-wires our brains and the pleasure centers. I honestly think that’s what’s happened to me. I’m 26 days clean now, and eagerly looking forward to being clean for five months when the full effects of porn have worn off.

Same here too with work travel; mostly just watched due to boredom.

The kegels have helped, and stretching exercises too. I’m not quite back all the way yet but I am far less anxious and things seem to go a lot better when we both have an “f it” attitude when hooking up.