Somewhat long post (fyi)…
After a couple of my recent sex experiences, finally got up the gumption to talk to my wife about what I think helps me perform, which is taking things slower. She used to (and still can/does to my delight) give head with real enthusiasm but a lot of times the pace was so fast that it felt difficult to control my arousal. After some discussion, it was intentional on her part because she thought having a shorter stimulating bj would help me last longer in her vagina. Kind of worked for a bit years ago, but maybe not the best move long term.
I think we’re now on the same page about taking a slower buildup time, enjoying each other’s bodies also which helps me have some control over my arousal (with pace and breathing). Not too much control that I end up spectatoring and not too little that I can’t stay relaxed and breath. Looking for the ‘just right’ balance, or said another way, maybe ‘driving the car’ with one hand on the wheel instead of two hands tightly or no hands on the wheel. Hoping for longer (and more enjoyable) sex from here on.
As for a question, how have you all approached talking about needs/ideas in the bedroom? Also ideas on time of day to talk? During/after sex, or at other particular times of a day unconnected to sex?
Thanks everyone, keep going. We’re on the right track!