Can’t relax before sex

Hi everyone.

I’ve just signed up as a member and I’m really getting inside my head due to some recent failed attempts at sex. I’m now finding it hard to relax as all I can think about is whether I’ll get hard or not. I really need help as it’s affecting my relationship and my self confidence. I’m not great at finding ways to switch off and I’m quite difficult to turn on. Not sure if meditation will work for me.


Hi there brother and welcome…

I think everyone here struggles with this. The key is relaxing and let that fear go, I guess. I’ve been here for a few weeks now and things are improving, but the path, at least for me, is long.

Meditation really helped identifying the thoughts and helping me calm down. It doesn’t work everytime but it’s a great achievement, for me.

I came to the realization that ED issues are much common than we think but no-ones has the courage to talk about.

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Thank you. It’s good to know I’m not alone.


I agree that the majority of us probably deal with this. I can get hard on my own, through oral with my spouse and int he mornings, so I know I am good physically. However the second the possibility of sex is introduced, severe anxiety hits and erections is gone. Been dealing with this for a long time, even sought out shock wave therapy and mental health counseling. The shock wave worked great, but I quickly learned that my physical issue I had for years created a psychological one that I now have to deal with. A supportive spouse is everything ! Unfortunately I dont seem to have that either. My best advise is this, dont let your issue define you , your happiness, or confidence, and dont give up hope millions of us are going through this together, its just sad that it is not accepted as much as it should be by the opposite sex.

Hi everyone,
I have been dealing with ED since I was a teenager.
It has taken control of my like to the a point in which I’m about to lose the love of my life and mother of my daughter mainly due to it.
I needed to get it out because I have felt alone for too long.

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I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope Mojo is helping. I bought a penis pump and also a p spot plug and both are working well. If you need any advice then hit me up.

Not alone, man. Never.

Have you had successful penetration? That’s my only problem cause I’m hard for everything else

My issues began at 21 when I had my first sexual encounter. I was a shy and insecure young man. It didn’t go well and ever since ( 40 years) I’ve battled the fear of not being able to get hard. Especially in new relationships. Once I’m relaxed it’s usually fine. Now I’m older I’m also physically aware of libido changes and this makes things more complicated. I can take medicine…have done for years, but it leaves me with a headache and feeling unwell. Relaxation and non anxiety is almost impossible when going to bed with a woman …I WANT to be inside her to prove I’m a ’ man’.

for me i can never get my dick up it’s so hard and never goes up no matter how much i think of my mum

It will work for you, just give it some time, I’m just as you described, and a daily practice is bringing me back to low pressure enjoyable sex

HELP!! I have always delt w some performance anxiety but was able to get it together for example it may happen once and then thats it and ill be fine and it wont happen again. Until now, I recently started dating someone who I believe is the one. For the first month we were having amazing sex 2-3 times a day w pretty much zero anxiety until one night i couldn’t get it up, she got upset, started thinking i wasn’t attracted to her etc… so now every time every single time i get panicked its going to happen again and it does. its really causing major issues. It is all i can focus on. i cant get it under control and have had zero success w penetrations the last couple weeks. Keep in mind we were having wild se where all i need to do is lay next to her and i get a hard erection… And now i cant even get comfortable laying next to her then the thoughts begin to crepe in and it goes totally limp I fell like its pointless to even try to have sex as its not going to work, and we both go to bed quiet on opposite ends. During the day when people are around we kiss and hold each other and i get hard, i get hard thinking about her all day, until it comes down to sex. Any suggestions on getting out of my head and back to where we were having great sex a month ago?? She now is being understanding but i can tell she is just as frustrated as me. She says it wont ruin anything and we will get through but. its not comfortable

Although ED is a relatively new problem for me, and one that I am taking steps to work through here, there have been a few notable occasions in the last year where sex seemed imminent on a particular evening. I found myself in a mental state of extreme anticipation, heightened excitement, desperation, and anxiety all rolled into one very dysfunctional guy at the end of it all. Several times I even totally misread the signals and thought that my partner and I seemed destined to give it a go, only to find out that she wasn’t interested at all and didn’t feel well. So I got myself into a near state of manic panic for NOTHING. It seemed so ridiculous… like a teenage kid sort of scenario. But I am trying to manage these things with the resources I have access to here at Mojo. The mind is a fascinating thing sometimes…