Can get an erection, but it's rarely hard enough for sex

Hi guys

I find that I can usually get an erection during foreplay with my partner. However it’s usually just a semi, or of it is a bit harder by the time I get a condom on it’s become too soft for sex. This has been going on for some months.

I’m a healthy guy, I eat well and exercise regularly. I had a health check up recently and everything looks good, all the results from my blood tests were at a healthy level.

Has anyone else had this / does anyone have suggestions?



I got exactly the same problem as you! Everytime i try to have sex with my girlfriend I get an erection which I can not keep up. I have seen the urologist already multiple times usually with a prescription for 5mg tadalafil. I had to take them everyday for about 2-3months. The medication worked however as soon as I tried it again without it I stood in front of the same problem as ever.

Even though I cannot supply any specific advice to you because I haven’t completely fixed my own problem yet, I would like to add some of my thoughts to this conversation:

A while ago I started to tackle my ED from all sides. This meant that I also started to listen to my inner me and I started to recognize two things:

First of all I am simply “scared” of having sex because, as a man, I felt so much pressure laying on my shoulders. I always wanted to make our sex remarkeble for her. However I never really understood that “fast longer hard” is not always what women want to have. My partner for example is very passionated but she also loves being with my and doing things, which are not from the 50 shades of grey textbook.

This led to my second point. I started to question my personal Image about sex and how society let me think about sex. This ist what really reliefed me. I realized that Not everbody is excited on the spot. This is completly natural. Every man is different. Everybody likes something else and has sex on its own way. For me I realized that I always wanted everything as fast as I can and as pleasuring as possible. That saying I often forgot to be in the moment and use all my senses for person I love so much.

After understood this I texted my girlfriend that I love her so much and we exchanged some sweet messages. While doing this I felt a strong tickle in my stomach like when I met her for the first time. This feeling was different to the feelings I had before with her. Sorry, it may sound weird but all of a sudden this gave me an erection. But not because I were horny - it was just different. I may be attracted to love. This showed me that we might slow things down next time.

This was the first time that I experienced that an erection just happens to you when you are calm. You should not pressure yourself. Thats a killer. Start from zero, lean back and let it happen. Usually you do not need any physical stimulation. It just happens and don’t be upset if it takes same time. Your brain will take some time to get used to the new circumstances. Use this to try experience yourself in a different manner. It also feels soooooo much better to be relaxed.

We will get there ! :slight_smile:

I am happy to read diffrent experiences!


Working through the same issue, healthy and have good medical exam. I get hard reguarly in my sleep so I know it is not a mechanics issue. I am reading a book Erotic Intelligence, it is really good on many fronts but with the difficulties I am having with getting and staying hard the book talks much about my expectations, my performance anxiety and gives some idea of reducing the stress. Increase for play and sometimes let for play be enough or other forms of sexual encounters other than intercourse to help take the pressure off. Also meditation which there are guided meditation in this program. It is a work in progress but I have had some success.


Thanks for sharing your stories. I first noticed this problem when I started a new relationship, and it had been a long break since my last sexual encounter ( 2 years). I was aware that I had got into a bad habit in that time of masturbating too much, due to lack of sex and boredom. In fact I think it got really bad because of lockdown and having a much less active and social lifestyle than before.

I decided at the start of the relationship to stop masturbating and eliminate porn. I’ve been reasonably successful to avoid it but recently I gave in because I was getting nervous about whether there was something wrong with me. I managed to get a really good erection and it lasted for ages. So that’s helped me to identify that my body has become desensitised to sex.

I’m going to regularly meditate and try and cut out porn and masturbation completely with the hope that my body will get used to real sex again, and the erection problem should sort itself out. Easier said than done !

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I really enjoy receiving oral sex but when it comes to intercourse and actually put it in then I tend to lose my erection most of the time. I went through a long period in my life in which I was constantly looking at and masturbating to internet porn. As attractive as I find my wife I often find that thinking about previous sexual encounters that I’ve had in my life helps me maintain my erection, finish intercourse and cum inside her. I think that this isn’t a healthy way to move forward though.