My new gf is concerned as I can’t keep it hard. I have had trauma over last few years from exes and they didn’t care if I even came. Now I have a beautiful lady and can’t perform. I think it will break us up
Try not to think negatively mate.
I know that’s easier said than done.
But you can either see this as an obstacle in the way of your relationship, or you can see as an opportunity for your relationship to grow stronger.
This might be an opportunity for you to be vulnerable with your partner and I might also give her an opportunity to get some things off of her chest as well.
Once you’re more comfortable with each other and you’re both aware that you’re in a trusting environment and a safe environment maybe things will naturally come together.
I’ve personally had experience, night after the night of the same thing ending in me beating myself up and feeling like she was disappointed. And it wasn’t until I just said to her “I’m feeling so much pressure, and I just want please you” that things started to fall into place.
Stay optimistic mate, stay positive and maybe try being open with your partner 
. You’ve got this.
P.S.
Meditation, breathing exercises and just slowing down during intimacy may also help you to stay present in those moments with your partner
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Agree and to add to your statement: make a night that’s just about her pleasure. My boxers stay on but you’re getting off!! A lot!!
Tease her. Learn what makes her tick. What makes her moan. What makes her cum. Can she go multiples? Does she like toys? Does she squirt. Does she enjoy oral? Oral plus fingers or a toy?
I say all this with the thought of taking pressure off your hardon or lack there of….
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She has had trauma in her life as well and thinks it’s her fault. She finds it hard to be supportive and resorts to cutting off any attempt as it “will end up disappointing “
I need to do something quick to show it working and getting results. Thanks though 
I have normalised the fact that I am really good at making women cum with just tongue or with fingers too. She only enjoys exterior stimulation and once she cums that’s it. She doesn’t want any more but really wants a hard dick inside her after she has cum as that then concludes the moment ‘Oral - cum - penetration he cums end love!’
So it’s just a tough one at the moment.
Thanks though