Can get hard with imagination of my gf, but not with actually her

Guys, it’s been a problem for a year. For the first half of our relationships I wasn’t able to get hard enough to penetrate, so I only cummed after handjob (never was able to cum after a blowjob). Then I took Cialis pill, which helped to have my first penetration sex. Since then I never used pills again, and every 2nd or 3rd sexual contact led to penetration (other times it didn’t erect good enough). I figured out that I can get horny while thinking about having sex with my gf or any other girl or watching porn. I got hard while was looking at her while she was sleeping a couple of times, but when she woke up, I wasn’t able to get any hard even when she was helping me. I don’t feel like I’m scared of her or something, we are really close. But I feel like it must be somehow related to it…



Could it be that you put pressure on yourself when in her precense?
Feeling that you should be hard but by focusing on the thought of becoming hard gives you stress?

I guess I have something like that. It’s just not me, who thinks that. These thoughts are coming on their own, and I have no idea how to control that… If there were some techniques or something of how to beat that scare…

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What helped me a lot was exercises around catching these negative thoughts and creating an inner dialogue which was calming and reassuring. As I became aware of the doubtful voice I would speak back with conviction, telling myself there was no reason for these doubts, I would point out all the signs that showed these doubts were not justified. I used box breathing a lot, changed my diet and started doing physical exercise.
I still get some doubts but now I am better equipped to turn them around when they come up.