Hey Mojo,
I made a mistake asking my wife about her past and I cant get over it. Going into a vacation I was a bit insecure about my body as I did not work out much leading up to it after being busy with work. As the vacation went on, I started to get more confident as my wife and I started to be more intimate and flirty, and as I started seeing other people on the beach that I was in better shape than (I know this also shouldnt matter). This must have culminated in overconfidence/an ego boost because on a car ride back from the beach, we were getting intimate and after, I asked her after if I was the biggest shes been with. She has only had a handful of partners before me, but said there was one guy that was big. This didnt make me feel good, but I asked her more questions to get a better idea. She said this guy was big in comparison to her first long term boyfriend who was on the average to small side so she said it seemed bigger but that him and I are more similar, give or take, or that I may even be bigger. This was close to 10 years ago that she was with this guy so she said that she also doesnt even really remember the guys from her past. I am above average in size, over 6, maybe about 6.25 I regret asking the question as it is so irrelevant and unfair to her and myself. I just cant seem to get it off my mind. I am ruminating and having intrusive thoughts / my brain is trying to deceive me and I just want to let it go. We have also been together for close to 7 years, so I have no clue why I asked the question, it just seemed to pop up out of nowhere. I hope I can get some advice or hear from other that have dealt with something similar. Thank you
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Never dealt with this issueā¦.maybe because Iāve never askedā¦.but honestly broā¦WHO CARES! Sheās ur wife, she chose you. Whoās to say the other dude wasnāt a dud in bed?
At the same time sheās probably thinking āare my boobs as nice as his previous partnersā, āis my body as fit as his ex gfā.
Gotta let these issues from the past go mate!
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Thank you for your reply. Objectively and intellectually, I understand exactly what you are saying and I know I should not care and that it doesnt matter. For some reason it is sticking around and actually casuing me to spiral. I know I need to just let it go and hopefully I can soon. It has started to impact our sex life a bit and I do not want that to continue either
I think it is always a part of human nature for guys. We all want to know how we āmeasure upā. That curiosity starts in the locker rooms of our schools and continues on into adulthood. That being said, we canāt let it bother us. Itās genetics. We are all stuck with the equipment weāve been given. As others have said sheās your wife. She picked and chose you. You won! Donāt let the other stuff bother you.
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Thank you for your response. Youāre right, it is a curiosity for guys and I should try to forgive myself for asking. I will try my best to let it go and not let it bother me, it has just been stuck in my mind but I know I need to let it go so I dont ruin our relationship and sex life
Question: for the sake of vanity and ego, would you have weathered she lied? How would you feel about that if somehow you found out that she lied?
That is a good question, but I guess I would have rathered that she lied because for some reason I have been in my head for 2 months about it.
I guess id feel mixed emotions if that was the case. Id be hurt that she lied, but I guess also understood why she would have lied. She is a very honest person and I admire and respect her for that. I just need to get past this
If she asked you about your body count, would you tell her your exact number? Round down? What if you were displeased with her tits, and like them bigger, would you tell her?
Hi, I have experience something similar, maybe even worse. I made the mistake of reading her phone and saw that two years ago she said her ex was the best sex of her life. Also read how sexually crazy she was for him and that has been in my mind until now. However, after talking with many friends and think about it I just realize how different each relationship is. We are not the same person our whole life. Some relationships are just based on sex because there is no actual connection beside that. I was taking it the wrong way because I repeated myself that she didnāt want me as bad as that guy even though we had great sex, we both come consistently and had a lot of options in bed. Our ego is a tool but is also a chain sometimes. See the complexity of your reality, of your relationship. She is your wife, she choose and loves you.
We both know our exact body counts, I have only had 2 sexual partners before. I love her tits and tell her all of the time. But I do understand that some things should not be asked or left in the past and I really wish I kept it like that
Thank you for your response, you are definitely right about all of that. Iām sorry that you are experiencing that. How long have you been in your head about this?
I am below avg. I know itā¦
My gf has had 4-6 partners and I cannot imagine a dude being smaller than meā¦
With that said- sheās told me many times Iām the best lover sheās ever had.
Also- I have PED and deathgrip. Iāve gotten pretty good at oral, my finger game and Iām not afraid to use toysā¦.
My boxers usually donāt come off till sheās had at least 2-3 Os. Iām getting over the PED and sheās helping me get over my deathgripā¦
Bottom line- if she loves you- thatās all that matters!
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Hey, I really appreciate the message. Im glad you are getting over the PED and deathgrip. Do you think about your gfs past much? How long have you been dealing with PED and deathgrip? What has worked to help get you over it? I know thats all that matters and I love her so much too. I just cant get it out of my head and have been spiralling hard
Thinking is the enemy. The issue isnāt size, or jealousy, or any of thatā¦ itās the fact that you gave yourself something to think about. A distraction.
Just forget everything and screw!