Context. I’m a 35 yr old in a relationship with a wonderful girl. I’ve also had erection issues for most of my adult life.
I feel like I’m in a vicious circle. With the erection issues I’ve had, lately I’ve been viewing sex in my head as more of an inconvenience and so haven’t been initiating it with my partner so much.
However, this means that we don’t have sex as often now and the longer we go without it, the more pressure I feel on me to perform, but equally I’ve been pushing myself away from it off the back of my erection difficulties and my association with sex as being something that hurts my confidence and being an inconvenience to me.
I’m really feeling quite helpless and don’t know what to do. This app has been helpful to me at times but it hasn’t solved my issues which I wonder may be more deep-rooted.
I’m getting a blood test in a few weeks to see if there’s something on the physical side that might be wrong. However, I’m just feeling quite lost and I know the lack of sex has led to my partner feeling a loss of confidence on her side as well.
Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any advice?
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Bro get some cavaject from the doc she will be able to do pull ups on it 1000% it’s abit intimidating but well worth it
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I feel for you, and with you, @realistic-aqua-cobra. In some ways erection issues often operate fundamentally as vicious cycles (circles). Definitely check things out physically, but it’s usually psychological. It can be that you’ve just lost confidence with this partner, but since you’ve had erection difficulties most of your adult life there may be more at the root of them than the scenario you’ve shared here.
I’ve been doing pretty amazing work with a therapist the past several months. I had seen a couple of therapists before, and they were fine, but this guy came highly recommended and is incredibly knowledgable and skilled in the areas I’m dealing with.
I went to him primarily wanting to work on my erection issues and we did talk about sex, but it quickly got to much deeper stuff that needed attention. He practices Flash (similar to EMDR), which is an enhanced way to deal with deeply rooted trauma, and I have really felt the difference in how I relate to myself and the world, more and more as we dig through and treat it all.
Even just talking through, discovering, and labeling things can be very liberating, as well as CBT techniques to work through difficulties that arise. We’ve done it all and I honestly feel like I’m developing super powers in comparison to how I was before. I’m something different than I was.
That sounds super dramatic, but it can happen.
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Losing confidence with partner . That really hits home for me .
Hey boss, 33 here same situation. I just avoid being intimate to save the heartache from me and my wife. Reframing sex to include foreplay is slowly helping me. I purchased course from a sex therapist and they explicitly said foreplay is not just the stuff to get warmed up, and most women prefer it to intercourse.
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Maybe try and think what both you and she like in terms of intimacy and how can you try these activities in a non- threatening way? Once you both start to reciprocate enjoyment you can forget the anxious side and get into the positive circle rather than the opposite . Mindfulness meditation also can really help with this. Good luck!
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