Iām 43, married, with two kids. For the past 2 months, I havenāt been able to get hard enough for sexāno erection with my wife or solo, though I still get morning wood. Viagra and Cialis havenāt helped.
Iāve struggled with depression and anxiety, and was on SSRIs that killed my erections after a dosage change. Switched to Wellbutrin, then stopped all meds 2 months agoāno improvement. Around then, my urologist found slightly low T and started me on Clomid. My levels are now in a good range, but still no change.
My wife and I want penetrative sexāwe miss it. Weāre being open with each other, but itās been really hard emotionally. My inner criticās brutal, and Iām exhausted. Anyone been through this or have advice?
Iām going through the same exact thing and man it sucks I wished I knew the root problem of the cause bc it seems as if it came outta the blue one day all of the sudden no erections n no sex my wife of 22 urs is always nagging at me how I donāt even try to have sex with her anymore or I canāt get and stay hard while naked with her but I love her to death n her the same but Iām honestly so down and depressed I feel as if sheās gonna get the urge to start looking for it elsewhere. Iām in search of any kind of treatment or therapy I can do to get it back . I wish you luck man and if ya figure something out plz post it and Iāll do the same.
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I appreciate the solidarity and disclosure. Thanks for thatā¦for me, I get in my head about it all. Iām finding thereās a huge psychological component to it, based on my ability to wake up with erections most mornings. So Iāve been leaning into flexing some mindfulness skills most morningsā¦some Acceptance Commitment Therapy concepts. Also, curbing porn use, and exploring audio eroticaā¦the ones on the Mojo app werenāt what I was looking for, but I found other audio erotica apps.
Some days I can be patient and kind with myself, other days itās just frustrating and feels hopeless. Today is a ākindā day. (Lots of negative, even hostile, self-talk). Thanks again for sharing and I wish you well on your journey. -M
When my issues started two different friends of mine that went on antidepressants started having
Erection issues . My guess is thatās the catalyst and then it got in your head psychologically so even after you went off of them you were still having issues. You can beat the inner critic or at least keep him that bay. Start journaling , write down all the times that you and your wife have had amazing sex . Remind yourself of all those times when youāre in the moment just try to be present and enjoy her . You will get back to where you were . I have made a ton of progress and you can too . Anything I can do to help donāt hesitate to respond on here!!
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I can relate seemed like mine came out of nowhere as well. Do some serious thinking and investigating theyāre definitely is a root cause!!
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Thanks for all thatā¦means a lot.
You said youād tried Cialisā¦ Have you tried the daily dose version? 2.5mg or 5mg every day. It takes the pressure off because youāre not gearing up for sex, maybe.
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Great question - thatās what Iām currently takingā¦continuing a 5mg daily dose of cialis. And it doesnāt produce an erection for penetrative sex. BUT, Iāve notice an increase in morning erections while on it. Iām fairly convinced that itās psychological. Though Iām 43, I was raised in a very religious purity culture that did me dirty around all things sex. I had been exploring topics of using pornography more than I wanted to with my therapist in August 2025, really cut back my usage, and the ED really reared its head (all around the time of an SSRI dosage change, which Iām completely off of for 2 months now), so it was several things at once. My hypothesis is that in talking about the pornography, it activated some pathways of guilt and shame, which motivated me to not use pornography as much, but also shut down sexual pleasure.
Regardlessā¦I continue my mindfulness work, kegals, daily cialis, trying to have more open conversations with spouse, manage stressā¦all the things. Sometimes Iām hopeful (yesterday morning), and sometimes it weighs on me.
Try not to beat yourself up too much comparing morning wood to other situations with your partner - as youāve said, thereās a psychological element at play that doesnāt come into it with involuntary morning erections. Might be helpful to use the fact that you know thereās nothing āphysically wrongā with your ability to get one in the morning, use it as āevidenceā when pushing back against your inner critic. Thatās definitely helped me when Iām doing the same. Keep at it!
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Itās so sad that society guilt-trips us over ordinary sex. None of us would exist without it!!! But if this site/app can do anything for us, it should show us that this problem of ED is FAR more common than we are led to believe. But there is no shame in it. We canāt talk about it openly because of the shame, but here you have a bunch of guys from every possible walk of life who are finally able to talk about it. And you realise itās no different from having a sprained ankle or a bad back. Itās an injury that prevents us doing what weād normally do, and thatās all. Weāre not machines, weāre not sex gods(!), weāre human beings and we go wrong sometimes. I know it was the shame over my first bout of ED (way back when I met my wife and was too overawed to perform) that came back to haunt me recently and brought it all up again. (I had/have a minor physical issue that impedes full hardness, and the anxiety did the rest). Daily Cialis / Tadafinil has done it for me, but I know the anxiety/shame can be a lot more challenging. I hope you can break through your mental block. Just remember how many of us are on this site - itās normal, normal, normal. Itās a bad back. It can be fixed.
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