Hey there, just prepare for a very long story 
Iāve been dating a girl i met since January 28, so coming up on about 11 months here soon. unfortunately, i had a crippling porn addiction from the time i was in 6th grade, to about end of sophomore year. this absolutely ruined my confidence creating false images and de sensitizing me terribly. just remember for the future that i probably got over the addiction by April ish for sure, but still watched it now and again then went cold turkey, then again maybe once every couple weeks. so we are on an 11 month schedule right now
first couple months (1-2)
me and my new/first girlfriend started off with the handjob or finger now and again, but right from the get go i was realizing i couldnāt get hard. 50% max. i was embarrassed and put it off as nothing, also didnt ever climax because of how brutally desensitized i was, probably late until month 2. at this point i had told her about my addiction, but i told her i had gotten off of it november off the past year (partially true, i started watching it less bc i knew it was bad)
month 3: by this point i could get an erection; not super strong but we had started adding head into it, which definitely helped and because couldnāt really see what was going on, it really helped and i think helped me get harder, probably around 75%. at some point we had tried to have sex 3 times. first time, i was more sensitized then before but still desensitized and had a bad image of sex because of porn. so i couldnāt get hard. girlfriend was mad bc she thought it was bc of her not being attractive enough when in reality, i was a virgin and she had 3 bodies (1 2 year boyfriend, 1 hookup, and one rape.) i have an above average penis but was scared i wasnāt enough and bc i was a virgin she was secretly comparing me to her past guys and that scared me, so i couldnāt enjoy sensations. 2nd time i was able to get maybe 70%, condom couldnāt get on, so she just rode me raw for maybe 10 minutes, i didnāt feel much and didnāt even get a single sensation of a climax in sight. then lost my erection and she ended up mad again. 3rd time was the same thing as the 1st. seeing her mad after it didnāt work ruined my confidence and libido, she said hurtful things, not necessarily meant to but i definitely took them that way, so we stopped trying. went to head and 69āing, i could climax but after a long time.
month 4-8: at this point, to cope, i looked to medication. iām not sure if you guys have seen āhoney packsā they are not allowed by the fda, because it has not listed ingredients, celiaās, i bought it knowing it contained cialis, ed medication, and boom. 110% erection for the first time ever. this put my confidence essentially thru the roof as the thing that held me back magically went away. went through an entire box, still not having sex. i ordered another, because i had essentially became reliant on them, my parents intercepted the package before i was able to, and i snagged a few extra. i had promised my dad to stop taking them, which i did. the next time me and my girlfriend did anything sexual, it was a little different, i wasnāt as hard, but i was able to stay hard most of the time, my mind wanders a lot during activity, and whenever that happens, i lose my erection, i realized this and tried to focus on the good feeling, then regained it. i climaxed just fine. this lowered my confidence but definitely not as much as i expected. i realized i didnāt need a stupid medication to do this, and with this mindset i kept an erection, medication. free, 100%.
month 9: i convinced myself i was able to have sex again, gaslighting myself that it was possible. but my girlfriend had said that we were never trying again. but i had figured enough time had passed. but i was scared of her reaction so i didnāt say anything.
month 10.5-11 (present)
she finally brought it up that she wanted to try again. she apologized for her reaction when it didnāt work in the past, and she understands itās not because of the way that she looks, itās just my head. she promised to not be negative and to not react that way ever again. she said we could do it in the way that most felt comfortable to me. we tried the next week and no luck. next week i was hard enough to put it in raw and we had solid sex for 5-10 minutes and i felt a sensation. we repeated this a couple times. then, we agreed it was time for protection. the last time we had tried protection, it was extremely tight and hurt, leading my mind to wander and losing my erection. i explained her this and she said if it didnāt work it was okay. we tried and it worked great, however it took adjusting to, and i didnāt climax. we tried again the next time and no luck. since then, every other time we tried, it didnāt work, and then inbetween it would work, and i would typically climax.
so i have some questions, because the effect of not working 100% is starting to take a toll on my girlfriends attitude, and im scared its going to happen again.
throughout our now common sex, i cannot maintain a full erection the entire time. usually at some point, the 1 in 2 times it works, i lose it mostly for a second or two but get it back. which makes me feel bad, and in my girlfriends words āi donāt understand how you lose it when your inside of meā which i donāt blame her. it would piss me off too. i know now itās psychological and i just need to keep working at it. but i feel bad because she thinks it has something to do with her, when it has nothing to do with her and i explain that to her every time. i found this website and want to ask for advice.
how can i get better at getting an erection without lots of foreplay,
how can i get better at keeping a 100% erection
what are some exercises i do to improve?
im very lost at this point and am seeking guidance.
if you have any questions im happy to clarify.
thank you so much for reading my story, i know it wasnāt the shortest story but i appreciate you taking the time out of your day to respond and read.