When my partner and I initiate sex and I notice I am not becoming erect. I really start to get in my head and it snowballs. I feel anxious and all I can focus on is getting an erection.
If you’re in the middle of a scenario like this what are your strategies to overcome this? What do you focus on? Thanks!
Can help to have a fantasy you think of that gets you going. Or sometimes I just wait for her to start giving me a BJ cuz as long as I’m relaxed that should work
I try to focus on the sensations to get back into body. They my way partner feels, their touch, their smell, the noises they make.
Doesn’t tend to stop me worrying but it helps Me pay more attention to the moment and that eases the stress a little
One thing that helped me was trying to match my breath with hers it’s hard to focus on getting hard when your focused on your brewthing
In your mind narrate what’s unfolding in front of you as if it’s this crazy fantasy that’s coming true. It accelerates the mental arousal and the body can start following.
I usually focus on listening to my gf.
I love when she involuntarily rubs herself on me… She’s recently realized she loves attention to her feet - which I love too… I also
Love to watch her play with herself. She can’t cum from penetration alone so it always takes a finger or a toy.
Hello, listen I’ll give you the solution to this issue. You may not like this but it’s unfortunately the way your mind is wired, so you’re going to have to accept what I am going to say..
As an experiencer and someone who still has erection issues, I have literally dissected every, possible thing… seriously.
So at the beginning of a relationship, many years ago, my dick went limp during intercourse. What’s the first thing I noticed? My heart rate was going berserk, I was sweating heavily. So anxiety presented itself. Few more times later, my dick wouldn’t get hard because i feared this would happen again. Guess what, it did.
so now we have anxiety and rumination at play. Two things that disrupt the blood flow. So before I had sex I was overthinking about how the sex would go down, and during sex it failed. Well, I was always under the impression that thinking about wanting to have sex and performing in bed was a natural, organic experience. Obviously not, the brain doesn’t want to allow this. Very strange. But I soon began to realise the brain does want this but the thing which does not, is a part of your subconscious mind that associates performing well as a “must” - what can cause this? Well your family and friends are responsible for many of your stressors. So it’s a part of your brain that’s been holding on to the fear of failure for many years. You can’t control this because it’s been etched on to your neurological patterns since you were a kid. If you know anything about humans the brain loves pessimism, it absolutely adores it. So something which happened to you many years ago is the reason your Psychogenic ED is an issue. All you can do is relax, be yourself and accept what this is. As I mentioned above I have my difficulties, so how do I maintain an erection now? Well I’ll be brutally honest with you, because I don’t think many therapist or surgeons will be. I’m always calm, I’m always open to my vulnerabilities; I meditate and exercise, and also, I use medication. If I feel like my mind is concrete then I won’t use the medication. But your erection is a reflection of your mind, believe me it’s not about the penis. Sex is all in your mind. Therefore you need to look after your brain. If that involves quitting a few things which aren’t doing it for you, then do it. You may never fully recover from this issue, as I believe many, many men never do. Health pros may tell you otherwise, but deep down this is PTSD from childhood. But do yourself a favor, look after yourself and if the medication is there - take it! (It keeps you hard, but what really keeps the blood locked in is the calmness of your mind working with the medication) Start becoming your true self and listen to your body.
Keep reading below…
Now because these incidences trigger a stress response your brain just assumes fear. But you know yourself that sex is great and pleasurable, there’s no fear.
Use the past to improve yourself and this way you will show yourself that you are capable of changing your world.