I needed to just get this out of my head, since I have been thinking a lot about this.
During times when I felt heavily sexually unsatisfied in my marriage, I have been playing around with the idea of visiting a sex worker. My wife has very low libido and I am always afraid that our relationship will end up sexless. At the moment, we still have some sex and it has gotten a bit better recently, due to me improving my ED, so I am holding off on the idea for now. But it is still in the back of my mind as a last resort kind of thing.
( Having an affair is not interesting for me since I will probably have problems with ED because of pressure, which is not there with a sex worker. Also I do not want to risk building an emotional connection. )
Divorce for me is not an option, since I love her so much. Before doing that I would rather tell her that I will be satisfying my needs outside of the marriage and let her decide if she wants to divorce or not.
Doing it secretly is the easy path, but I am not sure if I can handle the guilt and her finding out would be the worst case scenario since it is a major break of trust.
The most dangerous thing for her finding out is probably the danger of getting an std. Even when using condoms it is not at all impossible to get them.
Honest opinions are welcomed.
I think you need to ask yourself is getting with a sex working worth it to potentially ruin my relationship with the person I love . If not don’t do it . Wanting to have sex with another person in a relationship that’s sexless does not make you a bad person and is understandable due to things not being met in a relationship that one needs. It just comes down to are you ok with accepting the fact that she could divorce you if she were to find out .
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I would honestly run the idea by her first of you satisfying your needs with another women. Don’t be sneaky about it. That will lead to more demons attacking u and getting in your head over time. Also I don’t know you or your wife or what y’all’s relationship in its entirety has looked like but honestly ask yourself. Am I someone my wife wants to fuck. Am I in the best shape I can be. Am I a respectable man to my peers and family. Am I truly working as hard as I can to put us in the best place financially. If u can honestly answer all of those yes then that’s one thing. But I find a lot of women stop wanting to have sex with their husband or bf simply bc they don’t admire them how they once did. I would make sure you truly are the best version of yourself before you risk anything. Hope for the best my friend
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Know this isn’t some small little secret. Your wife is a human being with feelings and emotions. Cheating is not a small secret or a wrist slap. Though it may seem reasonable to you due to your circumstances, I would seriously advise you reconsider.
It’s okay to have thoughts, but to act on them is another thing. You and your wife married each other as a sign of devotion towards one another. You see divorce as not an option because you love her, but you’re not taking into account for her wellbeing. You cheating on her is initiating divorce.
I’d advise you be open with her about your troubles, talk to her about your dissatisfaction and share the thoughts you are having before you destroy it all.
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Thanks for your answers.
I should have described in more detail the hypothetical scenario I am interested in. Let us assume that I am the best version of myself and I treat her as good as I can. Also, my desires have been sufficiently communicated and everything, including e.g. couples therapy has been tried. Despite all of this, sex does not happen or only extremely rarely, like a few times a year of so. Do your opinions change with this specification?
For me the pain of cheating on someone I love versus the pain of missing sex. I’d have to ask first and deal with the consequences. Only you can know how you’d feel, but for me. But for me, the pain and guilt would be insufferable.
I have considered visiting a sex worker outside my sexless marriage. But honestly I couldn’t stand the thought of cheating on my wife because of my marriage vows so I will have to rely on Mrs. Palm and her daughters.
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