I am 35 and never really had a regular partner but now I am having sex 2-3 times a week with a girl who just wants someone to hookup with regularly. At first I couldnāt get hard at all but after 3-4 times i relaxed and now i get hard when she strokes my dick and can even finish if she gives me a bj which is a first ever for me.
Problem i have is that unless we have sex in a position that feels really good for me or do something that is directly stimulating my dick i lose my erection within 15 seconds or so.
I also do not get hard from kissing, touching, seeing her naked etc its all related to my dick being stroked/touched. I used to get erections from kissing and gentle touching.
I have quit porn for the last 30 days and have no issue getting an erection with porn or on my own or from fantasy, in fact fantasy is the only time i maintain an erection without touching myself.
Any idea what would be going on and why i can stay fully erect or aroused during sex, how can i make it so I am ready to go just from non genital foreplay?
Iām similar, in that I donāt really get hard anymore from kissing or seeing a girl naked or even touching her. I need to be touched/stimulated. Why not just focus on the positions that feel good? Explain it to your partner sheāll probably be supportive. After doing that for a while and getting comfortable/confident you can probably start to introduce different positions and keep the erection. It sounds like you have made progress and are on the right path!
Definitely try to keep quitting porn. I know for a fact that if we (Iāve had porn issues before too) never watch porn in the first place, it would be so much easier to get horny from real life interactions. We are psychologically programmed to reproduce and have sex. The problem with porn, is that your brain gets trained that that should be your turn on.
Porn is a too easy way of getting off. You can watch whatever you want, any wild fetish and no one will know, there is no pressure, you donāt have to worry about helping anyone else feel good, you can rewatch favorite scenes, etc.
Itās not natural to be that easy. Quitting porn will definitely help you with your journey. Good luck!
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I have something similar but havenāt used porn in year it doesnāt turn me on anymore. Had hormones test everything is in normal range. It could be depression Iām still getting more tests
Very similar boat mate at 35. I do sometimes get hard from making out or pleasing my partner when I can āsearchā a little for the excitement and response in my penis. Itās a very subtle curiosity of what might come next that you allow your body to enjoy. Feeling a little into what they want to do to you.
Gentle dry humping in loose clothes or just having a very gentle hand rest on yourself In foreplay and just be patient.
Also found that using realistic and no hardcore porn n mixing up/reducing use so itās a little treat not a reliance helped a lot. Quitting 100% isnāt some hard n fast rule donāt have to punish yourself