Trying to figure out what's the deal

Hi all!

I’ve been watching a bunch of YouTube videos and channels from people proclaiming they studied Tantric techniques and are preaching non-ejaculation orgasm. I’m trying to figure out what the deal is. It sounds like being able to get oneself to an edge and ramp down tension through relaxation, breathing and even visualizing energetics in the spine. And supposedly they can experience a prolonged subtle state of orgasm, different from orgasm during ejaculation, and eventually they supposedly can develop this to feel even more intense than ejaculatory orgasm.

Generally, they seem to downplay ejaculatory orgasm, saying it’s nothing, only lasts few seconds, etc. Basically, they’re trying to sell this idea of the prolonged state of orgasm being better. They proclaim benefits of no drop in dopamine and rise of prolactin that causes the refractory period when ejaculation occurs, by bypassing it. Generally, they seem to advocate for limiting how much you ejaculate in your day to day and sexual encounters. And so, they are proposing sexual encounters that don’t necessarily end with ejaculation.

Thing is, these guys talking about this admit that they’ve never had a problem with delayed ejaculation (DE), that if anything at the beginning of their exploration they struggled with premature ejaculation (PE). And while I can easily play with that line where edging occurs during masturbation, during partnered sex I cannot so easily as I can typically struggle with delayed ejaculation.

And so, I wonder what the deal is. Has anyone else heard about this? These guys are trying to have sex without necessarily ejaculating. Here I am unintentionally doing this through DE, haha.

Anyway, they advocate practicing masturbation like this, not ejaculating at the end. I find I cannot do this, as it would be extremely frustrating after edging for 30-40 minutes, to simply never allow myself to cum and just stop. I’m skeptical of the benefits. And truthfully, I wonder if not cumming at a regular frequency might increase chance of prostate cancer, anyway …

And for me, DE can still occur even if I do nofap for a period of time before a partnered sexual encounter (which nofap is different than the “sexual kungfu” spoken of before), in fact I may feel my erection is less reliable through my desire and libido shutting off as part of going into monk-mode through nofap. I feel there’s kind of a sweet spot in having to continue to exercise my sexual impulse and libido in order to be confident in my sexual energy when with my partner, a “use it or lose it” scenario.

In any case, they tend to cite ancient Tantric sources proclaiming the need to save our vitality, that if we cum we are depleting our energy stores. And of course, there’s refractory period to contend with in so doing (which I don’t personally feel I have a long refractory period, at age 37). But anyway, personally I feel the frustration of not letting myself cum when I can in a sexual experience is more detrimental than the so-called depletion through cumming they are highlighting. I only feel there is a sense of energy depletion if cumming compulsively and excessively, which by that point there’s an addiction to it which has its own problems. Personally, when I can feel myself able to get to the point of cumming while having partnered sex, I don’t feel like squandering that opportunity as with DE being able to cum while with a partner can feel like an achievement.

And so, I’m just wondering what is the point of this so-called sexual Kungfu these YouTube channels are trying to get at.

What do you guys make of this? Had you come across this before?

Just bumping this post in hopes more see it. I’m really keen to read other people’s experiences and thoughts on this thing. :pray:

From my research the goal of tantra is to work toward deep awareness and connection between you and your partners, which is often achieved by slowing down the sexual experience and focusing on sensations throughout the body rather than solely aiming for orgasm.

Whether or not to practice avoiding ejaculation within tantric sex is a personal choice that should be discussed and agreed upon by both partners.

For me, I am studying Tantra to become more present and work on more sensation as I’m suffering more from ED. I can ejaculate when not fully hard if I work at it so I’m coming at it from a completely different perspective although I still don’t desire to not ejaculate. I find the practice, rituals, and overall approach to deep connection is helping me deal with the emotional rollercoaster of ED by not making ejaculation be the end goal. If it happens, great.

Hope this helped in some way, stay positive and do the work. I highly recommend trying to meditate prior to sex. If you’re partner is willing to join as well if may help with a deeper connection prior to jumping right into the act, and it may eventually help with any anxiety you may have that may be related to your delayed ejaculation.

Peace

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Thanks brother!

Yeah, I totally get removing pressure of wanting to necessarily cum. It results in being more relaxed about the whole thing, and I’ve been finding as such that cumming has been becoming more and more reliable. It’s having to do with being comfortable and confident, relaxed and with conviction (interesting, that reminds me of āsana having to be Sthira - firm, and Sukha - easeful/comfortable).

Anyway, I’m a longtime Yoga practitioner. But the way I was practicing Yoga was in a way that strengthened going into monk-mode. Prāṇāyāma, meditation, weighing my mental patterns, etc. My interest in sex would wane. But then I’d get depressed because I do still want to be engaging in sex, as I’m only 37. I’m a householder and following a householder practice, but couldnt separate my practice and the result thereof from living as person who embraces his desire. And so, I started talking to a sex-therapist and following the app. I’ve gained so much confidence, I have more reliable erections (had performance anxiety ED) and I don’t get scared when the hardness fluctuates, having more confidence in my ability to bounce back and regain stiffness simply in the course of the sexual encounter. But cumming feels like making myself vulnerable in front of my partner, and so I’m trying to get more comfortable with that, using visualization of release to help me get there through the power of imagination and fantasy.

So, developing a separate practice (as through the app) to help keep my sexual function in check has been beneficial. Learning to tap into sensations, tap into my desire and libido, into my arousal control, engaging in mindful masturbation, etc. It’s been extremely helpful. It’s funny because the tools the app brings up is stuff I’m familiar with in my Yoga practice, but I never practiced specifically toward helping with my sexual function (I don’t look at it as a “yoga” for my dick, but the exercises do cross-over, I’m a bit purist in my Yoga practice, hehe). I do feel I’m coming out of my DE as a result, it’s a process, but am more reliably cumming with my partner. But yeah, less pressure on myself to cum, but I still hope to cum, and the more relaxed I am the more likely I will cum. I don’t actually see myself trying not to cum at all in a sexual encounter like what is proposed in the so-called sexual kungfu bros, though :sweat_smile:.

I had actually just watched a very interesting video on traditional Tantric sex on YouTube, with Rajarshi Nandy on the Ranveer show. Very compelling to learn of the traditional outlook, as we hear so much stuff on the western Tantra sex side.

Anyway, thanks buddy for sharing your journey into Tantra. Fascinating. :pray: