Hello everyone. Thanks for reading my story.
Basically, I am 31 and I have been single for about 10 years. Last time I had sex was 7 years ago but it was a one time thing, it went great, but since then, I started being in this anxious state continuously, and it’s gotten worse over time.
I have been single for so long because I have performance issues. My erections are often not as hard as I wish they would be. I have a lot of difficulty controling my ejaculations. When masturbating, it can take like 3 minutes or 45 minutes depending on my mood, but in either case, I feel I am not in control.
I would love to regain control. Thats why I joined this app.
I would love to hear your best advices if you have been in a similar situation. I am pretty sure it’s mostly mental, but I guess the physical state and diet and other factors can help. I am not overweight, but I dont exercice a lot and my diet is not amazing. I am trying to improve on those last two points.
Thank you for your time and have a good day 
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My friend,
I commend you for taking on this journey. Your situation resonates me with. It wasn’t until 32 that I decided ‘enough is enough’ and I decided to seek help so my sexual anxiety didn’t ruin a relationship I knew could be promising.
I paid for a tonne of therapy and used this app. Sharing with you what resonated most with me.
My first ever therapist recommended I go dancing - like salsa classes etc - so I could get to know my body outside of sexual situations and get a bit more comfortable with close contact with others. Can be a game changer.
In my thirties advice:
Starting a new relationship with your penis - this app and therapy both recommended non sexualised penis exploration. Just stroke or run fingers over genitals / thighs and just observe. Literally no pressure to get hard just see what you notice. Remember: don’t put yourself under pressure to get hard. Do it for ten minutes and walk away.
The other exercise is thought challenging - exercises that challenge your negative, catastrophising thoughts. Is that a negative thought? Is it true?
Having a conversation with your younger self. Big breakthrough for me was when I was asked what I’d say to my much younger self who experienced the first ED issue. I told the younger me he was going to be ok and he was loved. I had to let the frustration he (and now I) carried go. It can be powerful.
Finally: when it comes to new partners. I had to be honest - it’s better to take a deep breath and hope they accept / understand sexual anxiety than never know because you stayed by yourself. Not having the conversation will not solve the problem.
I write all of this a happily married man. I was vulnerable with my now wife and she loved me anyway.
I recommend Mindfulness too - observing sounds, smells, feels. All helps retrain the mind. Dr Mark Williams is who all my therapists recommended.
Good luck my friend: be kind to yourself and enjoy the good moments ahead.
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Thank you very much for your answer. Actually, I have been long-distance-dating a girl for two weeks now and I want to improve my erection so that we can have proper fun together when we meet. I think we have a lot of potential together. I even already told her about my performance anxiety issues and she seems super genuine and understanding. She said there are other ways to make her finish, and she’s not wrong! I think I’m im the right direction. Thank you kind sir !