I am married and have been battling with ED and DE issues for a long time and its been up and down. I have been pretty consistently having great sex with my wife in the past month and I want to share what I learnt. The most important realization was that there were two different issues for me:
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Performance anxiety
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Lack of arousal response
They are not so easy to distinguish and require different solutions. For 1. the most helpful thing was having a backup plan to get her off, mouth, fingers, toys. Once my erection was required for the sex to happen it didn’t work, so we needed to make sex not depend on my erection. Obviously, as soon as the pressure is gone the erection comes and I now have PIV everytime, but I should not take this for granted.
Porn and masturbation abstinence do nothing to help 1. and in fact they make it somewhat worse, BUT heavily reducing porn and masturbation greatly helps for 2. I have started trying to not masturbate alone and focus my sexual energy entirely on my wife and this has been an absolute game changer. It is very hard at certain points since we only have sex 2-3 times a week tops and I am often failing, but that’s ok. What matters is that I reduce solo masturbation to such a degree that I am super horny for my wife when the sex is coming up. However, I would not recommend nofap to someone who is not in long term relationship or can not have sex regularly, because it might lead to loss of libido.
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I second this, a quick Google didn’t give a clear answer. Also, awesome job OP on the progress you’ve made 
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Sounds just like my story!!
Congrats!!!
I’ve adapted with oral, toys and fingers too. Once she gets off a couple times, the pressure is off my dick!
I’m realizing I need to work on my cardio game…. Stamina is not what it used to be. (54!)
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How long you’ve been battling ED?
I am lost as well I have performance anxiety and lack of arousal I feel broken to be honest. I get erevtions no problem and get them with wanking or oral but for sex it’s like it dies to quick so weird, plus I am single so what do you do
For a few years, on and off. It got pretty bad at the start of this year, but I have had a breakthrough a few months ago and now my sexlife is as good as in the beginning of my relationship and in some aspects even better.
Get a girlfriend of course. Look for a serious relationship and take it slow. Find someone who is understanding and supports you.
I have an update to the post. Sex has continued to improve and it is seemingly better than it ever was now.
My approach to point 2 has changed slightly. Focusing my entire sexual energy on my wife became exhausting after a while, so I started jerking off more frequently and using porn more regularly now again and it is seems to have no impact on the ED at all. The frequent masturbation might have induced some DE again, but thats ok since I can be hard for a long time now, so I can just fuck her longer which is awesome 
I still go soft sometimes temporarily, but after a few minutes I usually get hard again. I am hardly stressing out about it now when it happens.
I am still mindful about my porn and masturbation habits, however, and I making sure that I don’t overdo it, keeping in mind that sex with my wife is always the priority.
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